Consider getting some distance from the situation for 30 minutes, 1 hour, or a day. Take a walk. Get a drink of water. Distract yourself with something positive. Try using some self-soothing activities to help you calm down, such as listening to your favorite album, reading a book, or engaging with a favorite hobby, such as knitting, playing guitar, or baking. Come back to the situation when you’re able to be patient and calm.
Try saying something like, “I am disappointed that this did not go my way. ” You can also try writing about the disappointment. What did not go your way? Why is it upsetting you? How can you move forward from this disappointment? Acknowledging your feelings allows you to process them and move on. Avoiding or suppressing your feelings might feel good in the short term, but it will only make you feel worse later on. [2] X Expert Source Amy ChanRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
Your judgment may be clouded by negative emotions or stress. Instead listen to others that have a more objective view. Take a neutral approach. Your assessment should be based on the pros and cons of the situation. Evaluate both the good and the bad. Consider writing down the pros and cons of the event.
Avoid dwelling on things that you can’t change, and focus on what you can. Think about how you can be a solution to a problem.
Life is not a straight and easy path. It is filled with twists and turns. Each day we are learning how to adapt to our daily lives and challenges. For example, imagine how you get to school or work. While there may be one specific way you do this, imagine the other possibilities available. Some routes may be easier and shorter, others may be longer or harder. But they still arrive at the same destination.
One plan or goal is not a measure of your worth. Just because things didn’t work out this time, that doesn’t mean they will never work out in the future. For example, you and your friends wanted to go to a special restaurant, and you find out it’s closed. You may be disappointed or upset because you were expecting a nice meal there. Instead of thinking that the only good meal is at this one restaurant, evaluate the other places available.
Talk about your goal again with those involved. Consider writing down your original goal. Putting the situation in writing, particularly for bigger plans, can help to solidify what your goal is. Use this goal as a framework to restate and reimagine your alternative plans.
Gather information about other options available. Consider writing down the other options available, and making a list of pros and cons. Reassess the strategies and possible outcomes to your plans. Talk with others involved in the process–friends, family, co-workers. See if they may have additional ideas. While these alternatives may not be your original plan, one or more of them may turn out as good as the original.
Be confident in your decision once you’ve evaluated the different options available.
Put things into perspective. When something does not go your way, consider if it is something that is worth spending time and energy on. For example, if you had hoped to get a job that you interviewed for and did not get it, then your time and energy might be better spent applying for different jobs. Take a moment to put your situation into perspective to help you build up your resilience. Maintain good relationships. If you have good relationships, then you will probably feel more secure when something does not go your way. Try to maintain healthy relationships with your friends and family to feel more secure during difficult times. Challenge unhelpful thoughts. Resilient people can alter their thinking to help themselves stay motivated and to continue working towards their goals. You can do this too by challenging thoughts that are untrue or unhelpful. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I will always fail,” then you can challenge this untrue and unhelpful thought. Try telling yourself something like, “Things might not always go my way, but if I keep working towards my goals then I will achieve them. ”
For example, let’s say you’re working an important project with a small team. Maybe the project is bigger than expected, and more time consuming than you thought? So the team ends up rushing to complete the project and it seems to you like the project is failing. This could be an opportunity to understand when to ask for additional help. Maybe you and the team could take a different approach to the project? Maybe the project isn’t as bad as it seems because you had too high expectations? While this is all in hindsight, it’s important to see what happens next as a way to grow.
Giving up means giving into your own self-doubts. Reframe your negative thoughts by thinking about the good things that have happened. Even if they are small things. For example, if you were hoping to get an A on an exam and instead got a C, think about how you can look at the bigger picture. Maybe this is your only C on an exam this semester? Maybe this isn’t the only test for the class so you can study harder on the other exams? Maybe the other students all got Cs on the exam too?
Mistakes are learning opportunities. They can push you to the invisible boundaries of what’s possible and what’s not. When you try new things, it’s possible you’ll make mistakes. This is part of life. It can make you stronger and more prepared for the next time. Consider saying to yourself, “I know that I messed up, but it’s not the end of the world” or “I can learn from this. I can be better. I can be ready for the next time. "
Seeking advice can help you feel less alone with your thoughts or concerns. People on the outside might have a better vantage point about what’s going on.
