Taking some time to compose yourself will also allow you to think about how you plan to apologize and what you are going to say in your apology. Often, a well thought out and clear apology a day after the offending incident can be more effective than a casual, awkward apology right after the incident.
In your letter, you should focus on saying “I’m sorry” but without adding any excuses for your behavior. Avoid saying “I’m sorry for my behavior, but I am under a lot of stress” and instead say, “I’m sorry for my behavior and for the way I treated you. I was stressed, and I took it out on you, which was inappropriate. ” Replacing the word but with the word and can be a good start. You should also try to empathize with the person’s point of view in your letter, noting that you understand why the person may be upset at you. You should also make a point of promising that you will try to act more appropriately in the future, as this shows you are making an effort to correct your behavior. End the letter on a positive note, stating that what you did will never happen again and that you hope you can both move past the incident. You may want to sign the letter, “Sincerely” to show that you are trying to be honest and truthful.
If the person is very upset at you for your behavior, you may want to suggest a public place that feels neutral and safe for both of you, such as a coffee shop close by where the person lives or a bar.
For example, you may say, “I was wrong to yell at you during the meeting with the shareholders. I was also wrong to swear at you and use inappropriate language when I spoke to you. ”
For example, you may say, “I realize that my words and actions were wrong and I regret that I let my anger get out of hand. I know that I hurt you and embarrassed you, and I am sorry for my behavior. ”
For example, you may say: “I promise that I will never speak out again in a meeting and speak inappropriately to you or to others. ” You may also say, “I know I keep lashing out at you and I do not want to keep behaving this way. I will work on how I process my emotions and make sure I do not take them out on you. ” Another option is to ask the person how you can make it up to them and let them dictate their expectations for you. This may be a useful option if you are apologizing to a partner or spouse and want them to give you input on how you can make up for your bad behavior. You may ask, “How can I make up for my behavior?”
Always form the request for forgiveness as a question, rather than a statement. You want the forgiveness element to feel like you are at the mercy of the person, rather than demanding something of them. You may say, “I’m sorry I behaved the way I did. I know I behaved inappropriately. Will you forgive me?”
Offers of compensation can be financial if you have damaged someone else’s property due to your behavior. You can also offer compensation through other kind actions, like paying for the person’s coffee if you spill theirs by accident or helping someone replace their broken phone if you accidentally sent theirs into the toilet.
You could also think of a gift that seems particular to the person, like a mug with their favorite celebrity on it or a box of their favorite chocolates. Thoughtful, personal gifts are usually a big hit and can show the person that you feel bad for your behavior.
Often, kind acts should be done along with an apology in words. You may need to compose a thoughtful, heartfelt apology and share it with the person, as well as do a kind act, to help the person forgive you.
You may need to give the person space and spend time away from them so they are able to process their emotions towards you and find it in their heart to forgive you. Be patient when giving a person time. Just because you think enough time has passed does not mean it’s true. That person might need more time than you realize. Whether the person accepts your apology or not, make sure you listen to their response. Though it may be difficult to hear how you have hurt this person, listening to what they have to say is a fundamental part of taking responsibility for your actions. [9] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
Go out of your way to be nice to them. Show them that you still want to be friends, even if they haven’t forgiven you yet.
Remember, actions speak louder than words. Acting more responsible and considerate will help show the person that you are trying to change.
