For example, you might explain to a teacher that you would prefer not to do a group project with your ex. Or, you could ask your guidance counselor for help in arranging your schedule so that you are not in class with your ex.
If you are in school together, use your knowledge of his schedule to avoid crossing paths in the hallway or by the lockers. Avoid visiting his workplace. For example, if he works for a café, get your hot drinks somewhere else now. Don’t go to his favorite hangouts or to his events. If your ex plays basketball, don’t go to those games. If he always took you bowling, don’t go bowling for a while.
Respect that your friends might want to remain friends with both of you. While it can be tempting to try to convince everyone to side with you, it’s not healthy. It may be helpful to talk through different scenarios with your friends. For example, you might say: “I don’t feel comfortable continuing our movie nights as a small group right now. But, if you throw a big party, it’s ok to invite both of us. ” Recognize that your needs will change over time. Keep your friends up to date: if it’s ok to invite you both to a dinner party now, say so. Leave his friends to him. Just as you need the support of your friends and family as you navigate the break-up, so does your ex. Let your ex rely on his own network of friends and family.
Rely on your instincts: if you feel you are being stalked, seek help, including calling the police. Don’t downplay threatening behavior. [5] X Trustworthy Source United States Department of Justice Official website of the U. S. Department of Justice Go to source Keep a record of contact made by a stalker as well as keep any police reports. [6] X Trustworthy Source United States Department of Justice Official website of the U. S. Department of Justice Go to source
Decide on what boundaries make you feel most able to enjoy your own life. Remember that you don’t owe your ex your time and attention. Naming your own boundaries, to yourself and your friends, is the first step. [7] X Research source Pay attention to feelings of resentment or discomfort. They are often a sign that you feel your boundaries are being violated or that you haven’t set boundaries that truly make you comfortable. [8] X Research source Be direct about what your boundaries all. Don’t be afraid to sound like a broken record if you need to. Tell your ex: “I’m not ready to be friends. If and when I am ready, I will let you know. ”
Ask your family for help in limiting contact with your ex. For example, your parents might be able to screen calls or other ways that your ex tries to contact you. [10] X Research source Don’t tolerate friends who won’t respect your decision to end contact with your ex. If your friends try to use the situation to stir up drama, they are not real friends.
Mark a date on a calendar to solidify for yourself how long it really is. If you had a reasonably healthy relationship, you might be able to say to your ex: “I hope that we can interact as friends in the future. But for now, I need a certain amount of time to work on my own healing. That means I won’t accept your calls or talk to you until this date at the soonest. ”
Now is a good time to reach out to that friend you really like that you haven’t seen for a while. Consider taking up a new hobby, so that you meet new people and build confidence in a new context.
Unfriend your ex on Facebook. In addition, there are apps and plug-ins that can block your ex’s updates from appearing in your feed and remove any posts that mention him. Unfollow your ex on Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram. Use a “block your ex” plug-in to remove references to your ex from your internet browser altogether. These can be helpful if you just can’t resist searching her name from time to time.
Take time to find the right therapist for you. You might need to talk to a few different people or get recommendations from several different sources, including your school and your doctor’s office. It’s worth it to find someone you feel comfortable with. [20] X Research source
