When someone asks you what you want to do, make a suggestion rather than simply saying, “I don’t care” or “Whatever you want is fine. ”
This is specifically crucial in romantic relationships, especially in the beginning when clear boundaries and expectations haven’t been defined. Don’t make your new partner think you are needy because you want to spend every second together. People need alone time or time to do things with other people. This is normal and it doesn’t mean anything negative about you.
If they ask you to hang out, don’t immediately jump at the opportunity every time – especially if they know you had other plans. Don’t blow off existing plans to do something with this person because it will appear needy. [3] X Research source
This is especially important if you feel like you are always the one initiating conversations. If people don’t initiate contact with you often, or at least some of the time, it could be a sign that they perceive you as needy and you might need to back off a bit. This includes other forms of social media too.
Let people chase you. If you are always initiating conversations, then it is less exciting for the other person.
This includes pursing your own educational and career goals. Continue making decisions about your own life that relate to your own interests. [6] X Research source
If you feel like you are acting needy towards a specific person, ask yourself what you are getting out of that relationship. If you can’t think of a good answer, it might be best to put some space between you and that person for a while. This will help you attain your own goals and it will make them think you are less needy.
Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself. Focus on your accomplishments, not your failures. If there is something about yourself that you are unhappy with, take steps to change it. If you aren’t happy with your job, start working on your résumé and extracurricular activities so that you can get a job that will be more satisfying to you.
For example, if you find yourself thinking that you look a little chubby today, instead focus your thoughts on how proud you are that you made it to the gym yesterday (or that you are planning to go for a walk tomorrow, etc. ).
Try getting to know some of your acquaintances better – this means hanging out more with friends of friends that you already know. Or maybe it means putting more effort into getting to know someone you’ve casually met before at school, work, or church. Don’t be afraid to talk to new people – those that you meet in a safe environment, of course. Maybe your next new friend will be someone walking their dog on your street or playing in the park in your neighborhood. Talk to people and begin developing new friendships.
One possible reason you might be acting needy is because you are afraid of being abandoned. [9] X Expert Source Tala Johartchi, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 16 July 2021. Or perhaps you are worried that your partner might cheat on you. Additionally, you could be scared that you will end up alone – that it will be difficult for you to keep friends and lovers in your life. Try to identify how often you feel clingy, along with the events that cause you to feel that way. [10] X Expert Source Tala Johartchi, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 16 July 2021. Whatever the cause of your needy behavior, it will be necessary to pinpoint this cause in order to correct the behavior effectively.
Imagine how you would have felt if a person treated you the same way. If you would interpret it as needy behavior from someone else, chances are that people will interpret it that way coming from you
You can even ask a trusted friend or family member outright if they think your behavior is needy. Ask your mom if she thinks you act needy towards your friends.
For instance, there’s probably a deeper issue at play if you feel distressed whenever a certain person isn’t nearby. [11] X Expert Source Tala Johartchi, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.
Many people have different perceptions as to what actually constitutes “neediness” and it is this you should first come to terms with. There are some obvious boundaries; if you are calling someone continuously and you feel the need to not only know what they are doing but what they are thinking, then you are more than likely overdoing it and the person on the receiving end isn’t likely to thank you for it. However, if you are concerned they haven’t contacted you in a week and decide to give them a call, this is in no way needy.
