Lingering romantic feelings have the potential to complicate or even ruin strong friendships. As friends, you should be able to talk about dating other people without feeling jealous or desirous. If you can’t do this, you may need to spend some time apart. [2] X Research source
Examine whether you have a history of seeking out unavailable partners. This may give you some insight into your dating patterns and help you learn to break out of those patterns. [4] X Research source Change requires action on your part. You will need to actively change the way you think about your friend to stop seeing them as a potential romantic partner. Try to catch yourself whenever you have romantic or sexual thoughts about your friend. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap the band against your skin to stop unwanted thoughts as soon as they arise. [5] X Research source It may help reduce your attraction to your friend if you think of them as more of a sibling or close family member. Thinking about the person in this way may reduce your feelings of attraction over time.
Remain friends, but restrain yourself from doing boyfriend/girlfriend things. For example, avoid holding hands, snuggling intimately, or kissing. Consider limiting your interactions or outings. Try limiting yourself to hanging out once a week.
Make up excuses if your friend wants to get together one-on-one, or stick to spending time alone together in public places. For example, get coffee or go to the park instead of spending time at one another’s homes. It’s up to you to decide whether you will tell your other friends about your feelings. If there’s any chance your other friends would reveal your feelings or make fun of you, you may want to avoid telling them.
See if setting some boundaries and spending less time with your friend causes your feelings to start to subside. Your feelings may resolve on your own and you won’t need to bring it up with your friend. If your friend is already in a relationship (or you are in a relationship) or has already expressed that they are not interested in you romantically, then you should not reveal your feelings and instead work on moving on to someone else. It may, however, become necessary for you to have an honest discussion with your friend about how you feel. If the feelings won’t go away, or your friend has told you they are hurt and confused because you are pulling away, it might be a good idea to tell them what’s going on.
Make plans with friends or family at least a few times each week. Keep interacting with others to take your mind off of your feelings for your friend. You can still stay busy if your friends/family aren’t available. Go for long walks or bike rides, explore your city, pick up a hobby, or take a class to learn something new.
Get a lot of exercise. You’ll burn off some of your frustration and experience the endorphin release that accompanies physical activity. Try to get an average of 30 minutes of physical activity each day. Most experts recommend getting a total of 150 minutes each week of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes of intense aerobic activity each week. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Do things that you enjoy, like going shopping or seeing friends. These distractions can make you feel good and take your mind off of your friend. Make sure you maintain a nutritious diet and keep up your daily bathing and grooming habits. Some people recovering from heartbreak neglect these daily routines, but ultimately such behavior makes it harder to bounce back and feel better.
If talking with friends about your experience, make sure you choose friends you can trust. The last thing you want is to be made fun of or for your crush to find out about your feelings. If you decide to work with a therapist, ask your primary care physician for a recommendation in your area. A therapist has the added advantage of helping you beyond this immediate problem. You’ll be able to discover patterns of behavior and find ways to work through other problems in your life.
Do things that build your confidence. This may mean saying affirmations out loud, doing an activity you know you’re good at, or reminding yourself of your accomplishments. Remind yourself that if your friend is not interested, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Romantic feelings can’t be forced, and sometimes people just don’t feel it. In the majority of cases it has more to do with the other person than with you.
Try saying something like, “My feelings toward you have changed, and I like you as more than a friend. I would like to try having a romantic relationship with you. How does that make you feel?”
Respect whatever your friend says they feel. They may feel surprised, confused, angry, or any number of emotions. If your friend says they are not interested in a romantic relationship with you, don’t try to talk them into it or argue. If they say they are confused and need some time to think, tell them you can give them space and that you will be available to talk more when they are ready.
While giving your friend space, it’s best to limit the time you spend together, including time spent on the phone, texting, or chatting online. Try to put your friend out of your mind as much as possible. You can do this by distracting yourself with hobbies or work, or by spending more time with a different friend.
Resist the urge to enter date-like scenarios, such as going to the movies as a couple or dining at a romantic restaurant. If you’re above the legal drinking age, it may be best to avoid drinking with or around your friend. People often have lowered inhibitions when they’re intoxicated, and you could end up making bad decisions. [13] X Research source
The time period you need apart is entirely subjective. Some people may need a few weeks, while others may need months or years.
You don’t have to move far. Even moving to the other side of town or the next town over could make it sufficiently less-convenient to see one another. Remember that moving away is a drastic change. A decision like this should not be made lightly over a low-key crush.
