Ask a lot of questions when you meet new people and use eye contact to show that you’re engaged. Express to people that you’re impressed with their achievements and skills.
Bring up subjects of interest and ask what they think about them. While you will be controlling the conversation, you will also be demonstrating that you value what they have to say.
Be polite no matter what, especially during disagreements. Be aware of common, unintentionally rude behavior. For example, don’t talk over people and don’t patronize or talk down to them. Give a lot of compliments when breaking the ice or experiencing a lull in a conversation. If you like someone’s clothing or find them interesting or intelligent, express that. Consider your body language during conversations. Smiling and maintaining eye contact will express kindness and positivity to those around you. [3] X Research source
If you feel that someone is overly familiar or makes you uncomfortable with their behavior, express this in a forthright and polite manner. Avoid the temptation to simply ignore them or send non-verbal signals because they can be easily misinterpreted or overlooked. [5] X Research source If you feel someone is patronizing towards you, politely tell them you appreciate their explanation while also signaling that you have your own knowledge on the subject.
If you notice that someone is particularly angry with you, suggest that you take a few moments to be apart and set a time to get back together to discuss your issues. Say something like “I think we should take some time to cool off before we discuss this further. ” Take some time away from the confrontation and think about something completely unrelated that makes you happy. Imagine yourself on a beach or practice a hobby. By the time you come back to your issue, you’ll have a more positive perspective.
Taking a deep breath or counting to ten are great ways to calm yourself and remove the reactive emotions that can be detrimental. Take as much time as you need, even if that means days or weeks.
Even if you don’t agree with them, empathizing with their position will demonstrate humility and respect on your part. This will reduce the risk of a single confrontation turning into a sustained enmity. It may even help to ask them to explain their perspective. Say something like “I’m trying to understand your side of this. ” It’s important to remain calm and practice active listening so they feel you truly respect their perspective. You may also want or need your position acknowledged. Understanding their perspective does not excuse them from understanding yours. Let them know if you feel like the don’t understand where you’re coming from, and offer to explain your stance, too.
Try saving your disagreements for a second conversation. This will allow the other person an opportunity to express their frustrations without interruption or the risk of escalation. [9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Try to genuinely reflect on criticism and look for the truth in feedback. Even if your initial impulse is to dismiss this criticism, taking a moment to consider it will prevent you from reacting defensively. Try giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and assume their criticism is valid.
If the relationship in question is significant or important to you, you may want to consider enlisting the help of a therapist to seek a mutual resolution.
Try initiating a conversation about a subject that has nothing to do with your conflict. You may find that other subjects will reestablish the more agreeable aspects of your relationship and create a more positive focus when you return to the conflicted subject. It may help to clear the air so the other person understands you’re refocusing on more constructive subjects. Say something like “I know you’re upset with me but I think we should stay focused on what’s most important. ”
Say something like “I would like to better understand your concerns and ensure that you better understand mine. ” It might help to do this in a public place where they are less likely to react with extreme emotions.
Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting. If problematic behavior is repeated, your relationship might just be toxic and worth severing. It might be difficult to forgive in a situation where there has been no acknowledgement or apology. That does not mean that you should hold grudges, though.
Ask “What can we do to get past our problems?” Invite them to get their grievances off their chest.
Say something like “I don’t think our relationship is good for either one of us. We should take some time apart or just avoid each other. ” Depending upon the situation, you may want to inform a few close friends that you are taking time apart from that person to avoid a potentially difficult situation.
