Looking frustrated, agitated, or overwhelmed Frowning, or looking upset Feeling bad about oneself
Headache Tense muscles (may lead to aches and pains) Tightness or pain in the stomach Changes in appetite Decreased concentration Fatigue Clenched jaw
Self-isolating Restricting sensory input, like covering ears or eyes Retreating deeper into one’s own world Stimming more Using learned coping strategies (e. g. deep breaths)
Bathroom mirrors are a good opportunity to observe your face. The tactic of excusing yourself to the restroom both removes you from the situation and allows you to “check-in” with what your facial muscles are indicating you are feeling. Feeling your face can also help detect stress. For instance, touching your eyebrows may reveal they are furrowed. Your jaw might be tight. Your temples could feel tight to the touch. All of these are physical indications that you are stressed.
“I’m feeling a little off. I’m going to get some fresh air. " “I’m going to the bathroom; I’ll be right back. " “I need to go so that I won’t be late. " (You don’t need to specify that this “appointment” is with a DVD and a bowl of ice cream. ) “It’s getting late, and I’m getting tired. I’m going to head home. " “This has been a wonderful party, but I have some homework/chores/confidential government work to do tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow. "
Use a favorite stim toy. Get deep pressure. Massages, heavy clothing, bear hugs, and tight squeezes are ways to get this. Eat something sweet or drink something warm. Do relaxation exercises, like deep breathing or imagery.
Take a 10-minute walk every evening. Bring a loved one and talk about your day. Play backyard sports with family members. Get off the bus one stop early and appreciate the fresh air. Swing. Substitute a desk chair for an exercise ball. Bounce as much as you please. Take your kids or siblings out to a park.
Unfortunately, many autistic people struggle with sleep. Melatonin supplements may help. Don’t hesitate to talk to a doctor if you suspect a sleep disorder.
Ask for disability accommodations. These can help. Get foam earplugs, sunglasses, headphones, and hoodies to manage sensory input. Get a robotic vacuum cleaner, rather than trying to remember to clean by yourself. Skip social events that don’t interest you. Socializing takes up energy, so skip any optional events that you think would be too draining. Make schedules, diagrams, and lists as memory aids.
Stim more Skip the stressful eye contact Avoid or speak up about things that cause you pain (such as a loud blender) Say no to hugs if you don’t feel like hugging Stop pretending to be okay when you’re not Let yourself be “weird”
Say that you’re taking college classes, but you are getting stressed out. You might consider dropping the most problematic classes and take a lighter load of classes. It might take longer to get your degree, but plenty of people take more than eight semesters. Perhaps your autistic child loves art, but hates the art club after school, and often melts down upon coming home. You might let your child quit art club, and instead come home in order to relax and have some quiet time. Maybe you enjoyed your job but had a change of supervisor. You really do not respond well to her style. You have tried to adapt, but it is not working out for you. It is OK to hand in your notice if it is making you miserable. Many people quit jobs for this reason.
Try to find a job, volunteer opportunity, or extracurricular activity related to your special interests. If you are given an open-ended project, try to relate it to your passions. Let your knowledge shine. Find a productive hobby. Creating something (whether it’s an article or a hat) will make you feel good. Get together at least once a week with your closest friends. (If you don’t have close friends, the aforementioned activity can help you find some. ) Find a therapist who makes you feel better, not worse. Your happiness and competence are a top priority.
Make sure that autistic family members can retreat to quiet places to spend time on their own each day. This helps them de-stress.
Shoo away anyone who is staring. Don’t let people touch the autistic person without permission. Rescind any demands that were placed on the autistic person. Stop other people from getting in the autistic person’s way. Say “Let her be” or “Leave him alone. "
Holding hands may be overwhelming to an autistic person mid-meltdown. You might beckon them to follow you, or have them hold on to another part of you (such as your belt loop).
If the person seems overwhelmed, it’s best not to press them with questions. You can ask “Do you need quiet?” or “Do you need to be alone?” and see if they give you a thumbs up or thumbs down. If they want to be alone, leave for a while, and check on them later.
For example, if the person has thrown themselves on the floor sobbing, you could lie down on the floor too and stay with them until they’ve calmed down. This shows empathy and gives them space too. If it’s too intense for you to be comfortable staying there, it’s okay to say “I’ll be back” and leave the room.
“Break, please. " “I need to go to my corner. " “I need quiet time, please. " “May I go to my room?”
Body language is still self-advocacy. Putting up a hand to stop a kiss is self-advocacy. Refusing to wear an itchy sweater is self-advocacy. Listen, even when it’s not convenient to you. A nonspeaking person can learn to speak up via alternative and augmentative communication (AAC). AAC can improve communication skills, which reduces meltdowns.
If they nod, you can model for them: “Yes, I need a break, please!” Do this while you lead them away. They will associate the phrase with the action, and start saying the phrase when they need to leave. If they say no, but still seem upset five minutes later, you can intervene: “You look really overwhelmed. Let’s take a break. " Then lead them to a calm place. Don’t hold their needs hostage. Never force them to wait until they can speak the phrase.
Sensory tools[11] X Research source A list of people they can ask for help A comfort item A “secret sign” to signal to caregivers that the child needs a break
Ask the autistic person what happened and why they reacted this way. Ask other people what exactly happened. If somebody behaved physically towards the autistic person (e. g. attempting to pin them down against their will),[14] X Research source then the autistic person’s reaction was actually a panicked attempt at self-defense, and you must address the other person’s behavior. Watch out for therapists and caregivers who are aggressive or cruel towards the autistic person, such as in some forms of ABA therapy. If violence results as an escalation, talk to both parties, not just the autistic child. For example, if a boy takes a girl’s toy and she hits him, it is important to address both his and her behavior.
“It is not okay for you to hit your sister. We are not a violent family. If you’re mad at her, you need to use your words or take a break. " “We don’t call names when we’re upset. It wasn’t his fault that you were unhappy. How do you think he felt when you called him ugly?”
“If you need to punch things when you’re upset, do you think it would work for you to punch some pillows or cushions instead? It’s okay to punch the couch when you’re angry. " “I know that it’s not fun for you to scream and cry in the restaurant. Next time you start to feel upset, you can tug on my sleeve and let me know that you need a break, and I’ll take you outside so you can feel better. " “Kicking the back of Mommy’s chair makes her very uncomfortable. What if you rocked in the rocking chair instead?”
“I saw you asking your therapist for a break today. That was very mature of you to recognize that you needed to pause. " “Good job punching the pillows! That’s much better than punching your brother. " “Thank you for telling me that you needed to leave. "
