Areas where we often have strong values include housework, meal times, child care, car and house maintenance, relationships between spouses and parents and children, education, money, politics, religion, etc. Specifying your values is key to managing work and family demands. They tell you what is important in your life and what matters to you. All too frequently, we don’t acknowledge or question our values until a problem arises.
Modifying or prioritizing our values can be one way of easing role strain and conflicts between values. For example, do you value being at work early more or less than leaving the house clean? Decide which is more important to you and go from there.
Goals include statements such as “I want to own my own business by the time I am 40,” or, “I want to finish college before I start a family. " Our predetermined values shape our goals and give us the push needed to achieve those goals. The values underlying these two goals might include a high regard for initiative, achievement, and education.
Identifying the “shoulds” in your life may be harder than figuring out our goals because the former often exist below the surface. However, holding onto attitudes and expectations that don’t fit your current needs can cause conflict and stress. Many of us hold high expectations about “having it all,” about being everything to everyone, and being “perfect” in every area of our lives. But in trying to reach these unrealistic expectations, we often find ourselves exhausted, burned out and incapable of effectively fulfilling any one part of our lives. Instead of getting to this point, pause and reflect on the attitudes and expectations you have and adjust those that do not support what you need at a given time.
Be open to and try to embrace change. Never get too comfortable, because just as soon as things seem to be under control, they can change at a whim![1] X Research source
Once you have determined which goals are most important for you, start working towards those ones first and foremost. Don’t lose sight of your other goals, but try to focus in on those that require your immediate attention. You may also need to realize when you must leave work at work.
Figure out a benchmark for your goal. How will you know when you’ve reached the goal?
Be willing to say “no. " Remember that being able to say “no” when pressed to take on additional responsibilities is your prerogative; in fact, it is what is key to effectively balancing work and family. For example, if your boss asks you to work over-time but you have already promised to attend your child’s school event, you can say that you have already made a commitment and try to find an alternative solution that accommodates your existing commitments. [2] X Research source Set boundaries literally on your time. Carve up your daily tasks into increments of time; figure out how long you can and are willing to spend on a given task.
A good idea is to have a backup plan ready in case of emergencies so that you are prepared with a contingency plan should the need arise. Establish a supportive network that you can draw on. Connect with friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers, and professionals. Be ready and willing to ask for help if you need it.
Make time healthy habits, such as eating health food, exercising, meditating and taking other forms of quiet time. [3] X Research source Many gyms, for example, are open over the lunch hour and may offer a reduced corporate membership.
Eat meals as a family. Studies have shown that sharing a family meal together benefits the spiritual, mental, and physical well being of the entire family. Families that eat together have lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and depression, as well as higher grades and self-confidence. [5] X Research source Eating together helps keep a family connected and engaged with one another; it can become one of the most enjoyable parts of the day for kids and parents alike. [6] X Research source Make time for the big and small moments in life. Take time to celebrate major milestones, achievements, graduations, birthdays, and holidays together with your family. Even marking smaller accomplishments (e. g. , your child’s winning goal in the championships) with a small token or special gathering will help each family member feel special and valued.
Do something basic with your partner and/or family. It doesn’t have to be a special event or take long, just something where you are together with them, such as watering the garden or taking care of the lawn, going for a drive or walk together, etc. As long as you are relaxed and listening, they’ll feel that they’re getting the attention they need and want. Enjoy the bedtime routine if you have children, including bathing them, reading to them and putting them to bed. Spending these moments with them lets them know that you care and are available for them. [7] X Research source Use the rest of the evening to catch up on the day with your spouse or partner. Consider this like a debriefing session; ask questions about one another’s day and offer advice or guidance, or simply listen. The day-to-day is just as important to a healthy, mutually beneficial and sustaining romantic relationship as the grand gestures and proposals.
Set specific times for activities like web-surfing, watching TV, and playing video games. Pick and choose what you will do and for how long. For example, if you have a favorite TV show that airs on Thursday nights for an hour, set aside the time to watch it, but do other things before, rather than watch more TV as you wait. Consider TV-watching an activity that is time-bound, rather than a way to pass the time. When in doubt, ask yourself “what matters most in my life?” Returning to and reflecting on your core values is a good way to pull yourself away from wasting time and spend that time on something that matters. [8] X Research source
Explain to your family and friends why sometimes you are not able to do everything they would like you to do (e. g. , you have to miss a school event because of a work obligation). Openly explaining the situation can help others understand and empathize with your situation. [9] X Research source
For example, you may ask the babysitter to get started on cooking dinner before you get home from work or ask him or her to do some light cleaning. This will give you a bit of a jump ahead on your household responsibilities.
For example, if you feel rushed for time to go grocery shopping each week, try online shopping. You can pick what you want and have it delivered to your house. A few extra dollars may be worth it to save a lot of time, depending on your situation. Look locally for projects, organizations, and businesses that might be able to help you save time, such as dry cleaners that offer early morning pickup and drop off or milk delivery services. [10] X Research source
Accept that having or doing it all is a myth. Instead, realize that the most important thing is that you do the best you can given your situation and limitations. Rather than constantly feel guilty, re-focus your energy on doing the very best you can do everyday - in all capacities of your life - with the time you have. [12] X Research source
Do something that relaxes you as an individual. Exercise, go for a long walk, listen to music, read, cook or do a yoga class. Take downtime for yourself; this is necessary self-care that will make you more able to deal with the stresses of your day-to-day life. Consider starting meditation to achieve greater balance and deeper meaning. Make one night a week a fun night for yourself and your family. Plan a movie night, games night or family night out. Everyone gets caught up in their daily routines and schedules so it’s a good idea to have one night a week where everything stops and the entire family comes to together to reconnect. [13] X Research source
