Express your willingness to listen by saying something like “David, I want you to know that I love you unconditionally and am always here to support and listen to any problems you might be having. Even if you know I won’t like what you’re saying, I want you to know I’m here to listen without judgement. ”
Ask your children questions. For example “What was the best part about school today?” or “How did it make you feel when Jan didn’t invite your other friends to her birthday party?” or “Does it make you upset when your boyfriend is late to pick you up for a date?” are ways to get a conversation started. Once the conversation is started, you might get more insight into your children’s feelings and opinions than you thought possible.
Turn off the radio or the television. It is difficult to give someone your full attention if there are other distractions around you. Don’t interrupt. Even if it’s difficult, try to hear your children out and attempt not to lecture. If your children feel like they are in for a lecture every time she talks to you, she will be less willing to do so. Show you care through your body language. Turn toward your child so you can properly engage with him in conversation. Make eye contact, and keep your facial expressions as neutral as possible. Accept that you may not always like what you hear. Inevitably, your children will do, say, or believe things that you disagree with. However, it is important to keep an open ear, and as much as possible, an open mind.
Let your children know you make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to admit to your children if you’ve messed up, and don’t be afraid to apologize for it. Showing that you’re human too will help your children feel that they can relate to you in a more realistic way. Talk to your children about your own life experiences. For example, you might want to tell them about a time that you got caught in a lie by your own mother, or got in trouble at school. Explain to them the triumphs and tribulations that you faced on your journey to adulthood. They will appreciate the feeling that you can relate to them.
Affection is also a good way to show that you are proud of your children. Cool moms aren’t afraid to tell their children they are proud of them, and they aren’t afraid to show it either. If you aren’t the physically affectionate type, express your feelings for your children verbally. A simple “I love you” or “You’re fantastic kids” will boost your children’s confidence and strengthen your bond.
Attend their choral concerts, sporting events, school plays, piano recitals, etc. Nothing makes a cooler mom than one that is in the audience supporting their children. Make being present a priority, and if you can, become involved. For example, bring orange slices for your child’s soccer team for them to eat during a half-time break. [7] X Research source Ask them to show you how to do one of their favorite hobbies, and give it a try. This will make your children feel like you are truly interested in their lives. Alternatively, involve your children in your hobbies. Research shows that engaging your child in your hobbies will bring you and your child together. [8] X Research source
When your children find activities and hobbies they are interested in, be engaged without being overwhelming. Become involved with their hobbies and interests, but allow them to explore and develop their passions on their own in a way that lets them grow and develop alongside their peers. Show an appropriate level of enthusiasm- this may mean always being in attendance at your child’s soccer games, but not bringing you own megaphone to cheer him on.
Become “friends” with you children on social media, but don’t suffocate them. While having a Facebook profile may make you a cool mom, posting on your children’s page constantly or commenting on their activities in an overly protective way will likely take you out of cool mom territory and make your children regret your online presence. Limit your Facebook interactions (and Instagram, Twitter, etc. ) to “likes” and maybe a rare comment. Draw boundaries. It’s unwise to post overly personal statements or sentiments on your children’s social media. Never scold your children about their social media use on their social media page; instead, use it as an opportunity to have an open, honest, and productive conversation with your child. Keep some distance on social media.
Have a girls’ glamour day: go shopping, get a massage, have your nails done, have a fancy lunch out, and drink champagne (or go out for “mocktails” or milkshakes if your child is not of legal drinking age). Try a class. Whether it’s a yoga class at the gym, a cooking class at a local restaurant, or a pottery class at an art studio, try an organized activity to make new memories. Go to a special event. Do your children have a favorite sports team or favorite band? If you can, take them to a live event; if not, plan a special “date” to watch the game or show on TV.
Accept that some of your children’s friends will start to feel like your own children, while others will never do more than mutter “hello. ” The most important thing is to make your children feel like they can be friends with anyone.
Be present, but not overbearing. It’s a great idea to stop in to the room your children and his friends are hanging out in and say hello, but don’t overstay your welcome. Keep an eye on the activities going on, but don’t hover.
Don’t be afraid to say no. Sometimes, as a mother, you will be forced to make the unpopular decision. While this is a demonstration of your love for your children, it is unlikely that they will see it that way. This is when you must play your primary role- mom but make sure to give them a treat if they do as they’re told. Be there whenever and wherever they need you. Your mom may be the only person who won’t get mad at a 1am phone call “just to talk” if you’ve had a particularly bad day. Be that person for your children and be prepared to offer guidance, wisdom, and a listening ear at all hours of the day. Keep some distance. Allow your children to have their own experiences, make their own choices, and live their own life. Watch them grow up into the people you helped them to become.
Don’t use these treats as a bribe. Instead, use them as a reward or as a “just because you’re you” present. This will encourage your children’s positive behavior and make them feel special.
If you feel your children may be engaged in something that is potentially harmful to themselves or to someone around them, it is important to talk to them and address the issue as soon as possible. This doesn’t give you permission to snoop, but in extenuating circumstances, you may need to breach your children’s privacy if you feel they are threatened in any way.
