Plug this time into your schedule. Maybe your best nights for your children are Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Take the time to put in extra care during those days, and don’t let other commitments get in the way. If you have more than one child, then you should make time to see each child individually, so your unique relationships can develop. If you’re so tired that you can’t possibly make yourself get up to basketball with your child, do something else with them instead, like watching a basketball game or a basketball-themed movie. It’s important that you’re there in some capacity.
Your children will remember these moments for the rest of their lives, and having you be there will mean a lot. You may be very busy when one of your kids is about to hit a milestone, but if you miss out, you’ll regret it later on.
Split these lessons with your co-parent. You should both teach your children the important things they need to know to grow up. Help your children learn from their mistakes. If they’ve done something wrong, you should help them see why and talk about how to avoid the behavior in the future instead of simply punishing them and moving on. Praise your child’s efforts constantly and be gentle with your criticisms. Attitude will go a long way as your child develops self-esteem.
Make sure to check in with your kids every day, so that you know what they’re worried about, what they have coming in that week, and what’s on their minds. Don’t just superficially ask, “How was your day?” without really wanting to know the answer. If your children are teenagers or busy college students, then they may not want to discuss the details of their days with you. Just make sure to check in often enough that they know you care without feeling smothered.
If the children’s mother is present during the trips, take some time to bond solo with your kids when you can. Planning these trips a few months in advance will give your kids something fun and different to look forward to.
If you don’t act consistent, then your children will know that your reactions can be influenced by your moods.
Though it may be tough, you shouldn’t let your children see you lose control.
If you’re too concerned about being respected, then your children may not feel comfortable enough to open up to you. If you’re too concerned about being loved, then your children may see you as a pushover who won’t lay down the law.
If you don’t want your children to smoke or drink excessively, for example, then you shouldn’t do these things in front of them – or at all. If you want your children to treat people with kindness and respect, then they have to see you treating people, from the waiter in your local restaurant to a telemarketer, with basic respect. If you want your children to not pick fights, then don’t pick a fight with their second parent right in front of them.
Part of treating the children’s second parent with respect means sharing childcare and household duties with them. Let your children see you praising their parent and giving them the love and affection that they deserve. You should not only treat the children’s second parent with respect, but love them and work on maintaining a loving, fun, and nurturing relationship. If the children’s parents are happy, then everyone should be happy. If you and the children’s second parent are divorced, then you should never say a bad word about their parent to them, even if you’re not on the best terms. Letting them see your less-than-ideal relationship with their parent will make them stressed and confused.
Helping out around the house will not only make your wife happy, but it’ll help your children see that you and your wife work as a team and that they should join in.
Your children shouldn’t worship you and think you’re perfect – they should see that you’re only human and want to do well by them.
Your children long for love and affection from you, no matter what age they are. Praise your children and let them know that your life wouldn’t be the same without them.
Though you may think that you’re doing your best by telling your children what to do or how to live their lives, you’re actually hurting their independence by trying to control them. It takes time to accept your children’s desires. If you don’t immediately understand why your child wants to be an artist when you are a doctor, ask for them to explain it to you and take the time to listen and understand. If you try to control your children too much, they’ll resent you and will stop opening up. Let your children make their own decisions by letting them be independent and open-minded. You may want them to play baseball, but sign them up for a variety of activities and let them decide what they like best.
Therefore, be aware that things like body piercing, premarital sex, and world travel are more common today than they were in your time. Accept that your children are a product of the times and that they may want to explore the world more than you did. You may feel like you know exactly how the world should work, but you should let your children express themselves and share their perspectives with you.
If you don’t let your children fail once in a while, then they won’t learn anything. Though you may want to shelter and protect them, letting them make their own mistakes will help them make more informed decisions. You should still discipline your children appropriately when they make a mistake, but you should also talk about what they did wrong and let them see the error of their ways instead of just yelling at them.
Though you can’t completely excuse your children’s distant or emotional behavior, you should be aware of what’s going through their heads so you can be more understanding and talk to them when they’re struggling. Just saying, “I know you’re having a hard time. Do you want to talk about it?” will help your children see how much you care. Try putting yourself in your child’s shoes. If you’re frustrated, understanding where your child is coming from will help you understand their behavior. Prioritize your children by always being accessible for talks, even if you don’t fully agree with your child’s choices.
