Show empathy for their current emotional distress and the self-harming behavior, while also relating to them as a whole person. You may say something like: “I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, and I just want you to know I’m here for you in whatever way you need. We can talk if you are ready, or we can do something else you enjoy right now. ”[2] X Trustworthy Source Mind U. K. -based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems. Go to source
You can say: “I just wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling today. I’m here if you need to talk about something. ”
Your immediate reaction might be to tell your friend that how they are reacting is dangerous or harmful, but instead say something like: “I don’t know exactly why you’re self-harming, but I can understand that you’re in a lot of pain. I want to better understand what you’re going through. ”
If others express their concern or ask you what is going on with your friend, you can say: “I know you want to help and you’re concerned, but it’s probably better if you talk to them yourself. I don’t want to betray their trust. ”
Rather than setting an ultimatum, tell your friend: “I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, and I would like to see you stop doing this one day. But I know only you can decide when to stop, and I’m not going to force you to do anything. ”
Visit http://www. helpguide. org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm. htm to debunk myths about self-harm, learn about the dangers of self-harm, and how to cope with emotional stress in different ways. The S. A. F. E. Alternatives Information line available in the U. S. at 1-800-366-8288 is a resource that your friend can call to get support with self-harming behavior and referrals for mental health professionals. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source You can tell your friend: “I’ve been looking around for different resources to help you. I just wanted to share a couple with you to see if you might want to use them. There is no pressure at all if you don’t find them helpful though. ”
Encourage your friend to seek professional help, such as a counselor or psychologist, in order to get extra support and to get to the underlying causes of their self-harming behavior. You can even offer to go with your friend to the counselor’s office to show that you care about their well-being. Say something such as: “I know you’re scared right now, but I think getting some extra help might be really good in helping you heal right now. I can even go with you to see the counselor. ”[8] X Research source If you and your friend are under 18, it will be especially important to tell an adult that can monitor the situation and get extra help as needed. Talk with your friend and see if they can choose an adult who they trust with this information. Call 911 in the United States, or the emergency line in your country, if your friend’s self-injury appears to be medically concerning or life-threatening.
A significant difference between suicide and self-harm involves intent. An individual who possesses active suicidal thoughts is seriously considering taking their own life because they see no other escape from their current distress. An individual who is self-harming is likely using this technique as a coping mechanism to alleviate psychological or emotional distress, to affirm they are alive, or to experience a mental rush. [10] X Research source
Your Life Your Voice is a national resource in the U. S. that provides a free hotline for kids, teenagers, and young adults to call at any time when they are experiencing distress. They are also open to talking to friends and loved ones about how to better help those who are self-harming. Visit www. yourlifeyourvoice. org to learn more. [11] X Research source S. A. F. E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) is another national educational resource base in the U. S. that provides treatments, outreach programs, and knowledge for those that are self-harming and those who are loved ones trying to help a friend. S. A. F. E. also provides a list of local mental health professionals who specialize in self-harming behavior. Visit http://www. selfinjury. com to get more information. [12] X Research source
A mental health professional is bound by confidentiality and cannot tell anyone what you discussed unless you reveal imminent risk, such as suicidal or homicidal ideation. However, as a courtesy to your friend, consider telling them that you are going to seek outside resources without using their name. You might start a conversation with a counselor by saying: “I have a good friend who has been using self-harming to cope with their emotional issues. I feel a little over my head and could really use some help in how to help them. ”
Talk to someone in your family whom you trust. If you are really close to one of your parents or one of your siblings, they might be a good support system for you through this time. You might say: “I have a friend who is going through a hard time, and I could really use someone to talk to about it because I’m really worried. I want to make sure I’m helping them the best way I can. ”
Go for a run or walk. Physical activity has many natural health benefits, including improving mood and decreasing stress. Even a quick 20-minute run or jog can help you feel more positive and more energized to talk with your friend again. Listen to music. Music is often therapeutic and allows you to calm yourself while separating yourself from others. Watch a funny movie or television show. Laughter is a powerful tool to help improve mood and increase positive future thinking. If you are feeling hopeless about the situation with your friend, a few laughs could really help you feel enthusiastic about your ability to help them.
If it reaches this point, talk to your friend about reaching out to other people for support. You can say something like: “I really care about you and want to keep being there for you, but I think we need to get other people involved who might really be there to help you. I want you to get the best support possible, and I don’t think that’s always me anymore. ”
