Don’t lump them all together. Whether your reasoning is age or expectation-related, doing so prevents you from appreciating individuality. It’s easy for adults such as parents to get absorbed in the responsibilities that come with authority, but they’ll remember someone who is personal and friendly rather than someone who dictates. Try doing things like shaking their hand and asking non-patronizing questions. Ask about their viewpoints, like “What do you think about the news yesterday?” in order to get to know them and further customize your speech to them. When speaking to them, don’t jump to conclusions about how they think and feel. Instead of saying, “You must have felt angry,” let them express that in their own words.
Avoid sounding insincere. Instead of saying, “Good job!” in a drawn out, lilting tone, say, “I like the way you took the initiative to take out the trash. ” Be specific, personal, and convicted. Don’t feel the need to point out every action the kid does, exaggerate it, or compare it what others are doing. These mistakes make your praise sound inauthentic and kids will begin to lose confidence in their own abilities. [2] X Research source
Yelling and screaming is reactionary when something bad happens, but you’ll have more of an effect as a role model by handling problems the cool and collected way. Rather than get mad about that broken vase, say, “It’ll be okay. Accidents happen. ” It is useful to vary your tone to match their feelings. For instance, you’d want to express pride and enthusiasm during an accomplishment or seriousness after a bad experience. [4] X Research source Public figures such as teachers should remain professional without sacrificing warmth. Rather than say, “This is the greatest writing ever!” or “This writing is terrible,” say “I like the way you’ve started. Do you want me to help you?”
Address the child by name, then put the point you’re trying to make up front. Avoid rambling and displaying uncertainty in your message. Pay attention to how kids speak and mimic that. You’ll see them use short words and sentences. Monitor your own speaking patterns with children. If you go on too long or in a way they can’t comprehend, they’ll appear disinterested. Use this to make adjustments.
Instead of yelling at a child for struggling in school, for instance, make a point of acknowledging their efforts to improve. Show your support. Cheer them on. [6] X Research source Use words of encouragement rather than negative corrections. Demanding they out the trash later provokes a negative feeling compared to saying, “You’ve been doing a good job remembering to take out the trash. ”[7] X Research source Displaying belief in them is a sure way to indicate to them that they deserve self-worth and can improve in whatever area is difficult for them.
Read any book on inspirational sports athletes. You’ll see that the best role models encouraged them by instilling the self-confidence needed to deal with life’s obstacles. Instilling a positive attitude doesn’t mean you need to be unrealistic. Handle situations with healthy optimism because delusional thinking can lead to later problems if the child doesn’t understand consequences and how to deal with them.
A possible way to do this is to meet children at their level. Instead of lording over a young kid, for instance, try squatting or kneeling. Conversation comes from open-ended questions. Many adults use this trick to converse with other adults. Instead of asking for their dog’s name, invite the child to tell you about the dog. [9] X Research source It is tempting to simplify questions into those that provoke closed, one-word answers. If the child is unresponsive, change your approach in a way such as offering an entertaining narrative or try again later.
Offer smiles with your praise. Smiles that are sincere feel open, familiar, and comfortable while making you appear genuine. [10] X Research source Proper eye contact is a must. Offer just enough to connect with kids personally. A lack of it displays disinterest or a lack of confidence. Too much feels invasive or even authoritarian. Even your presence can lend strength. For instance, sitting close to a child when discussing a serious issue suggests you support them.
Mirror the child’s apparent feelings to try to get to the bottom of the issue. Instead of saying, “You must be sad,” say, “You might be sad” to avoid making an assumption. The wrong way to actively listen is to add epithets in an attempt to teach a lesson. Saying something like, “Big girls don’t cry” is demeaning and devalues the child’s emotions.
For instance, it isn’t enough to talk about eating healthy or saving money. If a child sees you being irresponsible by ignoring finances or eating lots of fast food, chances are that will become a habit of theirs too. [12] X Research source The more routine you make the behavior and the more positive examples of the behavior the environment holds, the more the behavior becomes normal for the child. [13] X Research source
First, accept personal responsibility. Apologize sincerely if necessary. Owning up to your mistakes is difficult but honest and therefore impressive. Second, seek to remedy whatever problem arises from your actions. This can be anything from having an honest discussion with a child after missing an event to helping a stranger in the street. Once the strength of your character is apparent, it’ll inspire those around you, including kids.
Consistent rules invoke transparency and expected consequences which reinforce that the action that merited punishment was wrong. An unrelated adult such as a teacher still needs to keep their words and decisions consistent. This may mean making a tough judgment call to do what you consider right despite the scrutiny of parents, but the goal is to be consistent without being harsh.
For instance, someone who presents a positive, happy face in a school cafeteria and takes the time to get to know the children is more likely to have a personal impact in a child’s life than someone who gives millions to charity while showing no compassion in daily life. [15] X Research source Be loyal to those around you. Whether that is with a difficult friend, a local business, or your own values, kids will notice your consistency. It’s a unique trait in an era where friends can be removed from social media by the click of a button. Subdue your negative feelings. Instead, show commitment to values such as positive social change or causes such as charity work. Civic engagement and acceptance of others make for great role model displays. [16] X Research source
For example, black male students suffer a disproportionate rate of failure in school, but a school that brought in role models who had overcome adversity and had the students imitate them caused student achievement to improve. [17] X Research source You don’t need to have survived a genocide to have a moving story. Search your childhood and work history for issues that challenged you and share these with children when they face similar struggles.
Instead of burying your feelings in chips and ice cream, exercise, for example. Teach self-control by example. Be careful with the relationships you keep. Many kids come from broken home lives and you don’t want to be a contributor. Forgive gracefully and avoid talking negatively about someone behind their back, especially where a child can hear.
”Walk the talk,” so to speak. If you promise you’re going to spend time with a child, for instance, follow through on that promise or your word is meaningless. “Do as I say, not as I do” never works. Your body language and actions should always indicate that you’re there for support. This applies to whatever lesson you teach, such as self-respect and generosity. Choose the legacy you offer. Step back and examine your actions for consistency. When you tell kids to be self-respecting and compassionate, do you end up in destructive relationships? Hypocrisy will cause kids to find alternative role models.
Avoiding these role models requires forming a strong relationship with the child. If the child respects you and values your presence, they will be more likely to hear what you say. Ensure that they realize there is a difference between public performance and private life. For instance, children are often wowed by athletes who command a lot of intention, but society often conflates winning a championship with being a good, responsible individual. Find out what the child thinks of the behavior. Ask, “What do you think of that football player shoplifting?” Help them to understand, if necessary, then help them find ways the celebrity could have done better. Ensure the child knows they don’t have to emulate all qualities of a bad role model.
For children who struggle socially, find ways to teach proper interactions. Display these interactions in your own life, but also consider using the services of a therapist or teaching them such skills as conversing and problem-management. [21] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source Give kids opportunities to interact. For younger kids, you can have them together in a safe environment where they can play. Older kids still have to be allowed to make their mistakes and solve their problems. The earlier you stop bad behaviors such as a bad attitude or drug abuse, the better. During calm periods have discussions with the child, but focus on the behaviors rather than attacking the bad peer. [22] X Research source Instead of forbidding the relationship and driving the child further towards the peer, institute rules such as having the peer over when you’re around.
Be sure to teach them that every person has good and bad qualities. It can be helpful to not portray yourself as an infallible parent or public official. Own your own mistakes and adversities.
It can take some compromising to find a substitute. You may find another athlete, for instance, who embodies positivity, or you may have to look to someone who never made the professional levels and had to go into a different field. Talk about the people you look up to for inspiration. If you can explain your own feelings, hopes, and weaknesses, you can share these with kids to reach them in a personal and relatable way while providing them a better role model.
