Pay attention to how your friends and loved ones are feeling. If they seem overwhelmed by something, always offer to help them in whatever way you can. For example, if your mom is stressed out about a party she is hosting, offer to help clean the house or pick up the groceries she needs. Help people you don’t know as well. You can do this by volunteering for charitable organizations, or even just by helping a stranger pick up a stack of papers that he dropped in the hallway. Don’t expect to get anything in return. Kindness is often repaid, but your goal should not be to be rewarded for your helpfulness.
Avoid distractions that might make the other person think you’re not listening. Always put your phone away when you’re having a conversation and maintain eye contact to show that you are fully engaged. Don’t interrupt people, even if you think you know what they’re about to say. Always let them finish talking before you share your thoughts.
Consider doing something nice in return. For example, if a friend surprised you with concert tickets, consider treating her to lunch the next time you see her. Be grateful to people you don’t know too. If a stranger holds the elevator for you, for example, be sure to thank her.
Always smile when you see somebody, whether you know them or not. Your smile might just make someone else’s day a lot brighter. Smiling and laughing will also make you feel happier, which will make it much easier to be nice to other people. In addition, it will help other people have more fun when they’re around you. [2] X Expert Source JT TranDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
While it’s important to tell the truth, be sure to consider how the truth might hurt someone else’s feelings, and always weigh the pros and cons before you say something potentially hurtful. For example, it may be a good idea to tell a friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him, but it’s probably not a good idea to tell him that you think his shoes are ugly (unless he asks). If you have already lied to someone, consider coming clean and telling the truth. It will take a lot of weight off of your shoulders, and the other person will probably appreciate your honesty.
Avoid using diminutives like “babe” or “hun” with friends and acquaintances. Many women find these terms belittling (although they may be acceptable if you’re in a relationship with the woman). Avoid talking about women’s bodies. This can make them feel uncomfortable and objectified, even if you’re being complimentary. If you’re in a relationship, never pressure a woman to do something she’s not ready for.
Yoga and meditation can help you calm your mind and release stress, so consider incorporating these into your routine if you need more calmness in your life.
Forgiving does not necessarily mean that you need to accept the harmful action as acceptable; it simply means that you need to make the decision to not let the action affect you any longer. [7] X Research source Forgiving is easier if you can start to think about the person who harmed you as a good person who did a bad thing, instead of villainizing the individual. [8] X Research source
The most successful nice guys consider how others think, how they feel, and how they are likely to act. This helps them engage with others in a way that is both kind and effective. When you think about how others feel, being polite and respectful should come naturally. If you think that something you say or do might be offensive to another person, don’t do it. [10] X Research source
The next time you do something that you’re ashamed of, remind yourself that you are a good person who did something bad and that you will try not to do that bad thing again. Do not fall into the trap of believing that one bad action is a reflection of who you are as a person. Keep in mind that feeling guilty about doing a bad thing is an indication that you really are a good person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn’t feel guilty at all.
Just because you’re a nice guy does not mean that you have to let people walk all over you. If someone treats you badly, don’t be afraid to let them know that it is unacceptable. People generally appreciate when someone can stand up for their opinion and what they believe in, even if they disagree. [13] X Expert Source JT TranDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. Being outgoing, social, and self-confident can help you be a nice guy without all of the negative associations. Learn to be comfortable being yourself, no matter who you’re around. Don’t feel like you need to filter everything you say because you don’t feel comfortable expressing who you really are—that can make you seem nervous or even fake. [14] X Expert Source JT TranDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
It’s okay to say no to others if you feel that you are over-committed. Being a nice guy does not mean helping everyone with everything all the time, but rather helping people whenever you are reasonably able to. Being too generous can also make people see you as a poor leader. If you want to be a strong leader, you may need to be careful about how much you are willing to give to others. [16] X Research source
Develop unique hobbies or travel to interesting places. This will give you plenty of fascinating things to talk about, so people will never think you’re boring. Do something unpredictable every so often, whether it’s going on a last-minute road trip or trying a new activity that’s out of your normal comfort zone. There are lots of nice things that you can do that other people will also find very interesting. For example, traveling to help people who survived natural disasters, volunteering to help build houses for the poor, or organizing a fund raiser for a local charity are all great ways to do nice things for people without being boring or predictable.
