It’s great to take care of other people. But don’t let that take away from your own core needs. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t help others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Remember, it’s not fair to compare someone else’s highlights reel to your bloopers. Every woman struggles with something behind the scenes. This jealousy and “catty-ness” is called “relational aggression. “[1] X Research source Coyne, S. M. , Linder, J. R. , Nelson, D. A. , & Gentile, D. A. (2012). ‘Frenemies, fraitors, and mean-em-aitors’: Priming effects of viewing physical and relational aggression in the media on women. Aggressive Behavior, 38(2), p. 141-149. doi: 10. 1002/ab. 21410 Studies have shown that media plays an important role in modeling relational aggression in women. Women who are victims of relational aggression are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and feel rejected and lonely. [2] X Research source Ostrov, J. M. , Hart, E. J. , Kamper, K. E. , Godleski, S. A. (2011). Relational aggression in women during emerging adulthood: A social processes model. Behavioral Sciences & The Law, 29(5), 695-710. doi:10. 1002/bsl. 1002 The result is a culture of women who feel insecure and unhappy with themselves. Recognize when you experience jealousy. The first step to overcoming jealousy is to recognize when you are experiencing it. If you find yourself reading a magazine and comparing your own body to those of the models, stop for a moment. Do you compare everyone you see in the street to magazine models? Probably not, so spare yourself that judgment too. Models are people who happen to have features that make a good fit for what magazines are looking for, and they are people who are dedicating their lives to modeling as a job. They are no “better” or “worse” than you.
Set clear boundaries with the individual and communicate to this person your need to be your own independent person. Once the boundaries have been discussed, stick to them.
People who are effectively assertive are more happy in relationships and have higher self-esteem. [3] X Research source Use “I” statements. These types of statements are less accusatory, and instead they convey that you are taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you can say, “I feel ignored when you constantly check your phone while talking to me. ” Learn to say no. Put your own needs first instead of always trying to accommodate other people first. If someone keeps asking to borrow money, for example, you can decline their request. If a friend keeps borrowing your car, you can tell her that the car is not available for her anymore.
For example, you might say, “I felt hurt when you said my article was biased. I’d be happy to listen and incorporate feedback, but I can’t do anything with name-calling. ”
“Please don’t talk about other women like that. " “Could we please avoid negative comments about Muslims?” “I’m leaving. I don’t participate in conversations with that type of demeaning language. " “Why do you feel that way?”
Low self-esteem People pleasing Poor boundaries Reactivity Caretaking Control Dysfunctional communication Obsessions Dependency Denial Problems with intimacy Painful emotions.
If you think someone is talented, let them know.
Focus less on what your body looks like, and more on what it can do. If your partner is critical of how you look, assert yourself by telling them that you find their comments unsupportive.
You can say something like, “I like when you touch me there,” or “I like when we cuddle after sex. ” If something is uncomfortable, say so. “I’m not comfortable with that” or “That hurts” are very reasonable things to say.
Politely saying no almost always works. If someone ignores it, you may have to be firm. If someone repeatedly ignores a no, go ahead and make a scene. Yelp or recoil from their touch. Start crying, loudly, and ask why they won’t leave you alone. This is a perfectly reasonable reaction to someone who ignores a polite “no” and it puts them on the spot for not respecting your boundaries. If someone forces themselves on you, reach out for help. Society has taught women to feel ashamed or embarrassed for being molested or assaulted, even going so far as to claim that some women are “asking for it. ”[6] X Research source Allen, R. L. (2006). Stopping sexual harassment: A Challenge for community education. Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. Dealing with sexual harassment or assault can be traumatic. Seek help from your support network.
Everyone is different, so make sure to discuss with your doctor what kind of exercise goals are safe for you. You don’t have to be an Olympic champion to be in good shape. Go for a jog around the neighborhood, take your dog for a walk, or go for a bike ride. Even gardening can be good exercise.
As a general rule, eat lots of fresh vegetables and fruits. Eat whole grains and proteins. Avoid processed and fried foods, and cut down on refined sugars. Consider taking multivitamins too for an extra boost.
In past years, medical research used to focus on cisgender men alone. For example, knowledge of heart attacks was based on how they usually present in men, when they are often different in women. [11] X Research source Disch, E. (2006). Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. Thankfully, medical research is quickly catching up and using more women as subjects in studies. Now that this information is more readily available, it’s important that strong, independent women utilize it!
Some doctors don’t take women’s health problems seriously. It’s okay to get a second opinion if your doctor isn’t listening. For example, maybe one doctor says you just need to lose weight to solve your incapacitating period pain, but the next one finds and diagnoses the issue. Beware online rumors that circulate based on vague personal anecdotes and no research evidence. The internet rumor mill can spread lots of myths and conspiracy theories about health. If you’re unsure about anything, check research-backed sources or ask your personal doctor.
Take a money management course, or learn the basics online. Make a budget for yourself so that you can meet your necessary expenses. Ideally, adults should have an emergency fund. It should be able to cover at least 3-6 months of living expenses. [13] X Research source Save about 10-20% of your income. Avoid risky investments. If you have money to invest, put it in index funds, which tend to be more stable and often beat the price of inflation over time. [14] X Research source
More and more schools are pushing for women’s greater involvement in STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) because the number of women in these fields is extremely low despite the fact that there is plenty of interest. [17] X Research source Disch, E. (2006). Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. If you are interested in physics, go for it! If computers make you happy, dive in and learn all you can about technology. Don’t let prescribed gender roles interfere with you desire to learn more about a particular subject. By all means, follow your favorite subject. If you like music, follow that. If you like math, follow that.
Many times throughout history, women’s fashion choices have been dependent on the social and cultural norms of the time period. At one point in US history, tightly pulled corsets were the norm and it was a social taboo for women to wear pants. [18] X Research source Disch, E. (2006). Reconstructing Gender: A Multicultural Anthology. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. We live in an era in which women have much more freedom of choice for their clothing and dress. Embrace that freedom! If you want to put in extra effort to look fab, learn how to dress to highlight your body type as well as your personal taste.
Some women want to be president. Others want quiet, simple lives full of hobbies and family time. Neither of these are wrong. Fulfilling your potential is nice, but it’s not an obligation. Build a life that you enjoy.
For example, volunteer at a soup kitchen, your local SPCA, or other community development program. Research a charity before getting involved with it. Some groups are considered to do more harm than good.
Uplift other women and support their dreams. Be there for them when they struggle. This doesn’t mean you have to get along with every woman or that you need to support a woman when she does something harmful. In those cases, aim for being polite and fair.
Be a mentor for a girls’ organization in your community. For example, this might be a young girl who participates in a sport that you like, or it might be a high school senior getting ready to go to college.
