Make eye contact with your friend while they speak. [3] X Research source Minimize distractions. Turn your cell phone off and/or put it away so you won’t be tempted to check it while your friend is talking. [4] X Research source Don’t try to give advice and don’t think about what you’re going to say while your friend talks. Focus on simply listening attentively, nodding periodically to show that you’re engaged. When your friend stops talking, ask open-ended questions about what your friend is going through. However, respect the fact that your friend may not want to talk about some things in detail.
Remember that your friend doesn’t need to feel worse about anything they’re going through. As their friend, it’s your duty to offer support and kindness. Imagine how you would feel if you opened up to your friend about something difficult and they made you feel judged or shamed. Take your imagined scenario a step further: instead of judgmental behavior, what type of behavior would actually help you during difficult times?
Don’t repeat what’s said word-for-word. This may come across as condescending or impersonal. Rephrase what your friend says back to them, then ask them follow up questions. For example, if your friend says that no one at work understands them, you might reflect by saying, “I’m sorry that you’re having a difficult time. It sounds like you’re having a hard time connecting with your coworkers - why do you think that is?”
Let your friend know that you’re available if they need to talk or simply want to spend time together. Follow through on your offer if your friend needs you. Make yourself available as much as possible, especially if your friend is going through a difficult time. Continue to practice showing empathy every time you and your friend spend time together.
Try taking note of other people’s actions and body language. Eavesdrop on snippets of conversations when you’re out in public places. Spend some time thinking about what other people are doing on a day-to-day basis. This can be done in fleeting moments. Make a point of noticing other drivers’ faces and their expressions while you’re stuck at a red light. Think about where those individuals are going, what they’re doing, and what’s going on in their lives right now.
If you notice that your friends or family members look upset, ask them what’s wrong and what they need or want in that moment. You might be able to use contextual clues to determine what someone needs. For example, if someone is shivering, you can safely assume that they’re cold and would like warmer clothing or shelter from the elements. You can also imagine yourself in someone else’s condition and ask yourself, “What would I want or need in that moment?” This can help you better understand someone else’s suffering.
Try to spend some time volunteering at an animal shelter if you can. You can also try caring for an animal at home. Over time you may be able to build your empathy for others by deepening your concern for the animal.
Use a recording device to tape yourself saying something empathetic like “I’m sorry that happened to you. " Say your chosen empathetic phrase several times in different tones of voice and record each version. Listen to your recorded phrasings and determine which one would sound most consoling to you. Practice the phrasing you chose so that it comes more naturally to you in conversation. You may want to practice in front of a mirror so you can be aware of your facial expression, too. Practicing an empathetic voice and expression doesn’t mean you’re faking the emotions or being insincere. It’s simply a way to become more aware of your own mannerisms and body language.
Recognize that some people have a hard time experiencing or expressing empathy due to a strong sense of individuality. [12] X Research source Remember that this doesn’t mean you’re less capable than others; you may just need to spend more time and effort working on it. Be patient and keep practicing. In time you will develop the ability to show empathy to your friends, and even to other people you don’t like or don’t know.
Notice any physical sensations you might be having when you encounter someone you don’t like. For example, if you’re frustrated, you might be feeling flush or experiencing a rapid heartbeat. By contrast, if you’re feeling empathetic you might actually feel some degree of sadness. Whenever you catch yourself having thoughts or feelings that interfere with your ability to feel empathy, take a moment to breathe slowly and deeply. Concentrate on letting go of negative emotions and open yourself to the other person’s feelings. Once you’re calmer, you should be able to humanize the other person and at least see their struggles as relatable. It’s okay if you don’t feel empathetic immediately, but you should continue working on it if you want to develop a stronger sense of empathy.
Think about all the ways that an individual is probably similar to you. Like you, everyone you meet has hopes and dreams as well as fears and insecurities. If you look closely enough, you may even find some similarities between you and the person you’re focusing on.
Even if you haven’t experienced what someone else is going through, you have the capacity to imagine what such an experience must be like. [16] X Research source Try to relate someone’s suffering to something you have experienced, then contextualize it to understand what that person is most likely going through. For example, while you may still have both parents, you have probably experienced the death of a grandparent, aunt/uncle, or another relative. As a result, you can imagine how much more intense it must be for someone to lose a parent.
