This includes accepting your flaws. Being comfortable with yourself requires you to accept that you are not perfect, and means that you should embrace your quirks and the distinct parts of your personality. For example, it’s fine if you have hobbies or interests that differ from those of your friends. Explore the things that interest you, and over time, you’ll meet other people who share the same passions.
For example, people with poor self-esteem may dress in the same way that more popular people do, or listen to the same type of music as people that they think are popular. Instead of this, follow your own interests, whether or not other people share them. If you have some emotional baggage, give yourself the time to think about it and move on if possible. Talk to a therapist or a counselor if necessary.
For example, if you say that all people should be treated equally and yet show obvious disdain for certain types of people, you will not be perceived as authentic. Or, if friends are drinking alcohol or eating types of food which you believe are unethical to eat, ask them to stop or excuse yourself from the situation. Find your values by identifying what makes you happy and when you were the proudest. Figure out when you feel satisfied. You can also think about how you want to give back to the world, then use that as a guideline for how you want to spend your time and energy. [4] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.
In contrast, inauthentic people often neglect the things that interest them in favor of pursuing whatever they believe to be popular or socially required of them. When you’re taking care of yourself, and you’re being mindful of how you spend your time and energy, you’ll often find that you’ll feel better physically and mentally, and you’ll likely be more productive and motivated. [6] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.
On the other hand, inauthentic people are inclined to let their minds wander during interpersonal interactions. In interpersonal settings, this behavior can be perceived as insincere or rude.
Following your intuition will help you make consistent decisions and act in a stable way, rather than making decisions based on what you perceive to be popular opinion or social expectation.
For example, express gratitude to those around you. Try saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I wanted to say thank you for helping me with my car payments last month. I know money is tight, but the extra cash made a big difference for me. ”
For example, if you’ve been struggling with your mental health and a friend is a professional counselor, ask them if they can recommend an associate who you can contact for counseling or therapy. Or, if you have persistent car trouble, reach out to your co-worker who moonlights as an auto mechanic. In a work environment, it’s easier to get your colleagues help if you communicate your needs as an invitation to do something, instead of a burden that’s been inflicted on them. [12] X Expert Source Ira IsraelLicensed Counselor and Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 26 July 2022.
Of course, it’s only natural to slightly modify your behavior and vocabulary around certain people. You talk to your boss differently than you talk to your partner or spouse.
You can remain authentic despite a lie or two, depending on the circumstance. For example, if you attend a dinner party but find the food distasteful, it’s okay to say, “I’m not very hungry; I’ll only have a salad. ”
Inauthentic people are often unable to maintain long-term relationships. Inauthentic behaviors, like putting on airs, telling lies, or not having consistent personal values, can prevent lasting relationships from forming. Learn to be okay with being rejected. If you don’t have a fear of rejection, it will be easier to maintain a relationship.
