Your friends and family members may not always admit it when they need your help. However, it’s up to you to notice when they are just being polite and really need some extra help, whether they want you to do some more chores or to run some errands. Get involved in a soup kitchen, literacy center, local library, teen help program, or another program in your area that allows you to make other people’s lives more full. One way to think about being caring is to think of it like giving energy. How can you give energy back to your community, your culture, your society?[2] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.
Have a balance of talking about yourself and about the other person in any conversation. You don’t want to ask a million questions and not reveal anything about yourself, but you also don’t want to talk about yourself and not learn anything about the other person, either. Remember that this doesn’t mean you have to pry. Asking something innocent like how the person’s dogs are doing or if he or she has any fun summer plans, can make the person see that you care without you coming on too strong.
When you apologize, make eye contact and avoid other distractions. Show the person that he or she is worth your time. Don’t say, “I’m sorry you felt hurt when I made that comment,” because this is an empty apology that will only do more damage.
Though you don’t have to spread yourself too thin, sometimes the greatest joy can come from doing a favor for someone you don’t know that well. If you shovel your neighbor’s driveway while you’re shoveling yours after a snowstorm, the effort will be much appreciated. Be on the lookout. People won’t always ask you if they need a favor. Sometimes, you should just be able to tell when they really need your help but don’t want to impose.
Sharing doesn’t only mean material goods. You can also share knowledge. Take the time to talk to a high school student about the college admissions process if you’re in college. Talk to someone starting out in your career field about your experiences. Help a younger person on your tennis team master her forehand. Look for opportunities to improve a person’s life by sharing what you know.
It’s one thing to care about someone when he or she is standing right in front of you, but it’s another to check in on that person when he or she is out of sight. If you know a friend is having a hard time, you should check in on your friend, even if you’re just saying hi. You don’t have to keep saying, “How are you feeling?” or that might get annoying, but emailing an interesting article or sending your friend a funny text can help cheer him or her up.
Of course, you don’t have to remember every little thing. But if you focus on the important details, you’ll have a better sense of who the person is and what matters to him or her.
You can also volunteer in a different city, or even a different country. Spend your spring break building houses for Habitat for Humanity in a different part of your state, or even working to help out in a different country. You’ll become more caring by spending more time focusing on improving other people’s lives.
People who are self-absorbed or who only care about themselves tend not to care when other people around them are upset, even if they caused it. Make sure this isn’t you. Even if you’re not the one causing the hurt feelings, be aware of how others around you are reacting to a given comment or a piece of news. If you’re in a meeting and notice that many people are visibly upset when your boss explains the objectives for a new project, you may want to talk to your boss about it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that people always have to like or agree with everything you do. Sometimes, you have to do what you believe in without trying to pander to others. But if your behavior is selfish, rude, or unpleasant, then you have to start thinking about making a change.
Caring people do voice their concerns when they are having a problem in a relationship or situation. But they tend to focus on keeping things positive instead of fighting if they can avoid it.
In order to really appreciate the people in your life, you have to thank them as much as you can. Thank them for helping you out during a hard time, for doing you favors, or just for being amazing. Let them know that their presence really does matter in your life. Don’t underestimate the power of a written “thank you” card. These cards aren’t as common as they used to be, which will make the person who receives them feel all the more special.
Remember that there’s a difference between being selfish and in taking good care of yourself and not neglecting your own needs for the sake of what others want.
Your friend may be telling you that she’s totally over her breakup, but if you look closely, you’ll see bags under her eyes or a puffy nose that indicate otherwise. Your roommate may have a big exam coming up and you may notice that she hasn’t had a solid meal in two days; cooking extra food for dinner can make a big difference in her life, and will show that you care.
You don’t have to be overly formal to be polite. You just have to be considerate of other people and make them feel comfortable in your presence.
Actions really can speak louder than words sometimes. Though telling a person you care can make a big difference, sometimes giving that person a hug or putting your arm around him or her can have that extra impact.
When the person is done talking, don’t just compare his or her experiences to your own or say, “I know exactly how you feel. " Don’t make this about you. Look at the situation on the person’s terms. Pay attention to the details. If a person is telling you something important, don’t just forget about it once the conversation is over; ask about it later. You don’t have to say, “Uh, huh,” or to nod too aggressively when the person is talking to show that you are really listening. Strong eye contact will do a lot of that work for you.
You may not be down on your luck, but someone else may be. Try to imagine what that’s like before you’re brusque or uncaring to someone who is less fortunate than you.
