Maybe you have your father’s chin, or strong arms, or great vision. Your best features may not be the ones that others would recognize, but they make you who you are. We tend to be our own worst critics, launching unreasonable and harsh critiques about our faces, bodies, and abilities. Do not allow yourself to say things to yourself that you would not say to a friend.
Try standing nude in front of a full length mirror and making a list of all the things about your body that you like. Write these as declarative sentences. Once you have become comfortable with affirmations about the parts you like, make a list of the parts of your body that you like the least, by writing “My _____. " For instance, if you dislike the extra skin on your upper arms, you might write “My arms. " Then, come up with at least one thing about teach body part that you are thankful for, and write it next to the body part to create a positive affirmation. For instance, you might write “My arms are strong and work hard for me. " Others might include: “My belly has given life and is a warm place for my children to cuddle. " You might write something like, “I’m grateful for having working legs, toes, and arms. “[3] X Expert Source Kim Chronister, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
At home, spend time in the nude to normalize your relationship with your body. If you feel up to it, you might even consider working as a nude figure model to take your self-confidence up a notch and to help yourself become more comfortable in your own skin. Wear the clothing and make-up you imagine yourself wearing if you had more confidence. Then practice good posture, squaring your shoulders and holding your head high. Speak up and look people in the eye. Others around you will notice how comfortable and confident you seem, and they will treat you like a person with self-confidence. You will begin to believe it, too. The process of changing your self-perception can take a while, but with consistency and patience, if you act as if you had confidence and others treat you as if you had confidence, eventually you will find that you are no longer acting. Instead, it will be natural.
Limit television consumption, and direct your child to shows that don’t feature only physically stereotypical people. Look for healthy body sizes and characters that are not overly sexualized or valued primarily for their appearances. [5] X Research source Be body positive in front of your children. Never criticize bodies (theirs, yours, or other people’s) in front of your child. Even if you diet or exercise, be sure that you explain it as a choice to be healthy and active, rather than as a way to control your appearance or fix things you don’t like about your body. Research has shown a connection between teenagers (specifically girls) dieting behaviors and their childrens’ likelihood to develop eating disorders and body dissatisfaction. [6] X Research source
Think about what you value in a friend, and cultivate those attributes in yourself. For instance, if you make efforts to become trustworthy, honest, dependable, loyal, a good listener, and lighthearted, not only will you be developing your own inner beauty, but you will also attract similar people as friends. [7] X Research source Give generously. Your time and resources are precious, and giving has deep psychological benefits for both you and the recipient of your generosity. [8] X Research source Consider volunteering, sponsoring a child in need, or donating used toys and clothes. Take up a collection for the food bank or emergency infant services in your town. Or call the local hospital and see how to become a volunteer in the nursery or geriatric ward.
Think about a sport, art, or social cause that you’ve always wanted to get involved with. Consider joining a local intramural team, taking knitting classes, or volunteering for a political campaign or at the animal shelter. An added bonus of finding a new hobby or pass-time is that you will likely meet new people there who share your interests and can help redirect your focus off of your appearance and onto your shared hobby. Try getting into yoga! Research actually shows that when you connect your mind and body through yoga, you feel more comfortable in your body overall. [9] X Expert Source Kim Chronister, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 28 July 2021.
Exercise. While your body has its own unique shape, you can tone and strengthen it in order to be healthier and have more energy. Even if you do not lose weight, exercise has psychological benefits, reducing stress, cultivating self-discipline, and improving self-image. [10] X Research source Eat well. A balanced diet can improve your body’s fitness and health, which will lead to more energy and confidence. Reducing sugar and carbs and ensuring that you have a healthy intake of good fats and protein can lessen symptoms of depression and anxiety and improve memory, weight, and heart health. Get adequate rest. Not only will this improve your body’s functionality, but it will improve your emotional state as well, which might have the added benefit of helping you to be less critical of your appearance. Respect yourself. Your body is a gift. Think about the things it has done for you! Whether you’ve given birth, hiked a mountain, or simply woke up this morning to another day, your body does amazing things for you.
We are not naturally self-conscious about our bodies. Very young children tend to be very unconcerned with their bodies’ appearances, unless the media, adults, or other children draw their attention to it. But by age 5, society has taught us that our appearances reflect our value, and many children begin to show signs of body dissatisfaction. [11] X Research source Where do these social message originate?
Think of all the products that are marketed to you on a daily basis in television, radio, internet, and print advertising: you stink! Buy this deodorant. Your jeans are out of style! Buy these new skinny jeans. Your teeth aren’t straight! Spend several thousand dollars on orthodontics. The root message in nearly all consumer advertising is that you are not adequate on your own. A person who is perfectly happy with their body doesn’t make a very good customer! In fact, every media message is selling you an image. Celebrities and models are glamorous, beautiful, and thin, and they appear to be that way naturally. In fact, their airbrushed appearances mask hours of labor to achieve that “perfect” body: it takes hours in the gym every day and a whole team of makeup artists to maintain their image of perfection. Unless you have a ton of wealth and unlimited free time, comparing yourself to these unrealistic standards of beauty will always leave you feeling dissatisfied with yourself. Celebrity culture plays a huge role in the maintenance of consumer culture. Think about how magazines and internet articles encourage you to “get the look” by purchasing particular make-up products or clothing or by altering your exercise routine.
Consider the people in your life whose opinions matter most to you. Do these people constantly talk about their appearance, worry about their weight, or adjust their hair or makeup? Does being with them make you feel comfortable and confident, or inadequate in some way? What about you partner(s), if you have one? Do they make critical remarks about your appearance, or do they build you up and compliment you? Critical comments from someone you care about can make it very difficult to build self-confidence, and can also be a warning sign of an emotionally abusive relationship. Consider eliminating toxic relationships from your life, or at least seek counseling to see if the relationship is worth salvaging. If you have close friends who you consider a positive influence, ask them to help you build confidence by not pointing out your flaws (or theirs) and by highlighting areas that they think are your best assets. Remember, your best assets are not always physical!
What is it you want to accomplish in life? How will your body help you reach those goals?
