Meditate to calm yourself. Visualize yourself staying calm and allowing others to speak. Spend some time sitting with your emotions. Consider how you’re feeling, accept those feelings, and then release them. Journal to help you work through your thoughts.
Find joy in silence by unplugging and replace mindless distraction with something constructive like arts and crafts projects. Use your hands and draw something. [3] X Research source Practice the art of not reacting to anything and everything that is brought to your attention. Harness that energy and focus it on cutting and pasting things with your hands from scratch.
If you’re having trouble trying to find where to begin, keep in mind that journaling allows free-flowing thoughts – whatever that is to you. It doesn’t have to make sense or have rhyme or reason, etc. Google journaling prompts online to help act as a starting point if need be. Journal in the traditional way with a paper and pen or write your thoughts in an empty document on your PC.
You can find several apps to help you with your meditation, including Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace. If being in absolute silence intimidates you, meditate in other ways and in other areas. Meditate in the shower, center yourself, or allow music to act as a soundtrack in those moments. The more you practice, the more at ease with yourself you will become and you will start to realize that you don’t have to beg people to notice you through talking. You will realize your power is in your presence and the overcompensation will lessen dramatically.
Take 10-15 minutes to go outside and appreciate the sun and wind on your body. [6] X Research source Admire the clouds in the sky, their shapes, and their sizes. Take a walk down a busy street and pay attention to all of the sights and sounds as they pass you by. After a while, see if you can isolate which sounds come from where: a car honk in the distance, a baby crying right next to you, a text message alert, etc.
Ask the people who are closest to you to sit with you in silence. Make a pact not to talk for a set period of time. Keep doing this until you don’t feel awkward anymore.
Find genuine interest in being present with people you’re speaking with. Give attention, show concern, and prepare yourself to learn something from people you interact with. Put yourself on the back burner and listen without expectation or need to fill space with talking about yourself.
Good listening is 80% being patient and listening to the other person without interruption and 20% reflecting and following up for more information. [9] X Research source Be fully present in those moments, without thinking about the past, future, or your intentions, focus solely on the person speaking to you. [10] X Expert Source Kirsten Parker, MFAMindset & Action Coach Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.
If the speaker, your friend, has tension in their voice, face, or body language suddenly, it’s up to you to appear non-confrontational and relaxed to mellow out the situation. [13] X Research source If the speaker, or your friend, seems emotionally charged and is raising his or her voice suddenly, nod your head in concern or lean forward to make the person feel like they have support in their emotions.
Respect the other person and contribute to the conversation rather than judging beliefs you might disagree with. Remember facial expressions such as a visible wince, eye rolls, or body language speak as loudly as any verbal judgmental response would. Accepting someone’s ideas does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Keep in mind that understanding through listening does not mean your opinions become mutually in sync with one another.
Think of the outcome of talking. Will it affect the conversation and relationship positively or negatively? Never let your desire to impress ruin how you relate to people. Use the following question as a guideline to help you speak less: “Do I want to speak to add true content or am I just trying to fill up space?”
Make sure your body language reads fully engaged. Lean forward slightly and maintain eye contact as they speak to you. [17] X Research source Smile softly if the tone of the conversation calls for it and give an occasional nod to show that you’re listening without talking to interrupt. [18] X Research source To show that you understand what’s being said, summarize and repeat what was said to you by paraphrasing. [19] X Research source
Avoid saying more than you have to be by taking a moment to reflect after the speaker asks you for your opinion. Pause for a beat, even say, “Give me a minute to think about it. " Reflect, exercise restraint, and then add your two cents to the conversation. [21] X Research source
If you’re trying to interrupt someone while they’re speaking, try bookmarking it as a mental note until they’re done. If you’d rather have something tangible, use a notepad or your phone to jot down your thoughts and talk about them when it’s your turn to speak. [23] X Research source Try to catch yourself in moments where you interrupt the other person. Look at them for facial cues, like an eye roll or a glance to the side, to keep you alert about your actions. Once you catch yourself, just say, “Oh, I’m sorry, go on. " or “My bad, go ahead. " [24] X Research source
Use the silence and the context of the conversation as guidelines of when to talk. If someone is venting to you, it’s probably not a great time to talk about a rave you have been trying to attend for weeks. If you don’t know what you want to say, ask more investigative questions, such as what does this mean? Who can we hold responsible, how, and why? This encourages the person to speak more. [25] X Research source Try to ask open-ended questions, as they allow the person to speak more while allowing you to speak less.
