Use body language that indicates openness. Smile. Maintain good eye contact. Turn and face the girl when talking. Avoid defaulting to checking your phone, computer or other devices. Show that you’re not too busy to have a conversation with the girl. For example, if a girl talks with you at a party, and you’re constantly distracted by your phone, she’ll likely think you don’t want to talk with her, or aren’t friendly. Avoid tensing up or getting anxious when the girl approaches or engages in conversation. Keep your body loose and avoid fidgeting.
Pay attention when the girl is talking. Avoid distractions. Summarize or restate what you heard. Repeat it back to her for clarification or to demonstrate that you were listening. For example, “Let me see if I heard what you’re saying…” Reflect on what was said or provide feedback. For example, “It sounds like you had a tough night after talking with your parents. ” Validate what you’ve heard. For example, “I can totally understand where you’re coming from. ” Allow for pauses and silences for a few seconds. Avoid interrupting until the girl has finished her thoughts.
Ask question to know more about something that she’s interested in. Find something she likes that you can gravitate towards. For example, if she’s interested in cats and bicycling, and you’re not really into cats but like bikes, focus the questions around bicycling. Avoid getting distracted or zoning out. When trying to get to know a girl better, it’s important to be engaged and pay attention. If you’re having trouble staying focused, consider excusing yourself politely, and approaching her at a different time when you’re more ready to talk.
Being nice involves respecting other people’s viewpoints. A girl has a right to her views in the same way that you have right to yours. For example, let’s say you’re at school and talking with a girl after class about problems with a certain class. She may think highly of the class, while you think it’s terrible. Avoid getting into a big argument just because she has a different opinion. Avoid getting upset with a girl or making her upset. Be aware of the way you act or what you say that could lead to arguments. Take a step back and take a deep breath if you need to avoid confrontation.
Make sure to say “please” and “thank you. ” Use your words to show appreciation of something she’s done to help you, even if it’s a small thing like picking up a pen that fell on the floor. Open doors for her. Allow her to walk through first, rather than going ahead of her. Show that you are gentleman. Help to get things that are possibly out of reach. Let’s say you’re at a store, and the girl is trying to reach something on the top shelf. Help to grab the item for her, or find someone who works at the store to help with getting the item down.
Compliment her about if she dressed nicely today. It doesn’t have to be too specific, just say, “You look nice today. ” Compliment her about something she’s doing well. Let’s say you’re in a class with her, and she just gave a great class presentation. You could say, “That was a great presentation. It looked effortless. ” Compliment her about things that she does for others. If she has a generous spirit, say something like, “You’re very caring. ”
Being present and showing up is one of the simplest ways to show that you care. Being nice is also about being considerate of others’ time. The girl is less likely to be anxious or frustrated if you show up when you said you would.
Avoid bragging about yourself, or making the conversation all about you when talking to a girl. For example, let’s say you just met a girl, and she asks about what work you do. Maybe you want to brag about how much money you make. While this may seem like a good way to impress a girl, it’s important to be humble, and instead focus more on what you enjoy about your work. Avoid being hard or down about yourself. Try to focus the conversation on things that you enjoy doing, rather than what makes you annoyed or unhappy. Avoid making the conversations intense or morbid. Show that you can be friendly and kind to others, not just to the girl you’re talking to. Learn to be more comfortable around acquaintances or people you don’t know by asking questions about their interests.
Think before you speak. Take a few seconds to process what you’ll say. Imagine whether your words could come off as rude, cold, or unfeeling if you were in the girl’s shoes. Remember that each person is different. One girl may react in one way, and another girl might react differently. Be prepared for the possibility that what you say may not work out as well as you thought.
Offer your help in some way. For example, if she’s had a bad day and she’s carrying lots of stuff, offer to help with carrying some of the items. Avoid trying to quickly find solutions to her problems. She may just want to have emotional support, rather than advice on what to do. Offer hugs to help console her. If she’s very sad or tearful, be welcoming, but make sure that it’s appropriate. Ask for her permission, such as, “I’m sorry about what you’re going through. Do you need a hug?” Treat her as you would like to be treated—with kindness and sincerity.
