Do activities that help your siblings become better people. Help them study, read together, give them tips before an interview, find them a job at your workplace. You can insist on your need for having time to yourself or for spending with your friends. Be clear that you are not rejecting or purposefully excluding your sibling. Say: “I need to have a private conversation with my friend today. Next time, I’ll invite you to join. ” It can be difficult to develop relationships with step-siblings. Blending two different family experiences takes time. Be patient as everyone will need a different amount of time to grow comfortable with the new family dynamic. [3] X Research source

Maintain boundaries. If your sibling wants to borrow something that you need to use, like a car that you rely on daily, explain your reason for saying no. Make clear that you will not change your decision. Also, make sure that you ask before you borrow something that belongs to one of your siblings. This will help to foster respect between you.

Compliment your siblings. Make it a daily point to compliment your siblings. Even if you cannot spend significant time with your siblings, you can cultivate a strong relationship by expressing your admiration for them. You can also show affection through gratitude and encouragement. For example, saying “thank you” to your siblings can be helpful, even if you are only acknowledging little things. You can also encourage your siblings, such as by saying “Great job!” after a watching a sibling participate in a sporting event or perform in a school play.

A great way to show that you are actively listening is to ask questions that will encourage your sibling to clarify or elaborate: “How did that make you feel?” “Why did you make that choice?” “What do you plan to do about that?”

When you have the chance, share some praise for your sibling’s talents: “My brother has a great sense of style that inspires me. ” “My sister is great at math, she helped me understand my algebra homework. ” “My sister gave me great advice for surviving school, she really understands how people interact. ”

Take deep breaths. This can help you regain a sense of perspective when you feel yourself losing control of your emotions. Inhale and exhale deeply and count as you do it. You will be able to engage an argument better as you will be able to step out of the fight or flight pattern of confrontation. [6] X Research source Repeat reassuring phrases. Give kind and measured responses to aggressive accusations until your sibling understands that you are going to remain calm regardless of what they say. Have a mantra, like “Nice words or no words” to signal to your siblings that nasty statements are unhelpful. Tell them: “I understand that you’re hurt, and I want to address this once we can talk calmly about it. ”

Ask your sibling “what do you want me to know,” or “what do you think is the most important issue to talk about?” After you listen, tell them your answer to the same questions.

Be polite when you confront your sibling. For example, if a sibling is talking to you while you are trying to pay attention to a TV program, say “It’s rude to talk while I’m watching TV. I’ll talk with you when the program is over. ” Do not start an argument by addressing them angrily. If your sibling teases you or tries to get a negative reaction from you, say matter-of-factly that you’re hurt by their behavior and disappointed that they don’t treat you with the respect that you deserve. Say “I’ll come back for a friendly and mature discussion when you are ready. ”

Siblings know you how to get a reaction from you since they shared your formative experiences. If they cross a boundary, tell them this immediately. Not everyone understands personal boundaries the same way, so help them respect your limits by articulating them. [10] X Research source

Vocalize your trust in order to turn arguments into productive discussions: “I don’t know if you realize how hurtful that statement is. ” “I think that you said that to hurt me, but I also think that you don’t really mean it. ”

Caring for aging parents is a significant challenge that overwhelms many adults. Adult siblings will be able to offer unique support as you care for your aging parents. They share your formative experiences, understand your parents’ needs, and they are as personally invested in this difficult task as you are. Years of being nice will pay off as you face this challenge together. As important as the bond between siblings is, it does not always lead to supportive relationships. It you are estranged from your siblings, it is important to realize that you are not alone in this. [12] X Research source

If you live in the same area, you can alternate hosting dinner for each other’s family. If you live in different cities, you can arrange to visit your parents at the same time or plan a vacation together. Call regularly. You do not need to speak for a long time to maintain your relationship. You should, however, speak often enough that you will all know what is happening in each other’s lives.

Even contentious sibling relationships can grow into a source of great support. It is possible the childhood rivalries may resurface between adults, but adulthood will provide opportunities to develop a more equitable friendship. [13] X Research source