You won’t automatically gain points for being “correct. " This isn’t a math test. You are allowed to say whatever you want to say. Similarly, other people are allowed to voice disagreement, and free speech won’t protect you from the consequences of your words. Your voice is your choice. No one is an angel. You will slip up sometimes, and that’s normal. What’s most important is that you make an effort, apologize if you hurt someone, and listen to others.
The goal isn’t to censor people, it’s to encourage people to be kind. The goal isn’t to be right, but to not be a jerk, especially to people who have faced more than their fair share of hardship and jerks. [4] X Research source Instead of asking “am I politically correct?” ask “am I being caring and respectful towards others?"[5] X Research source Recognize that free speech goes both ways. Your professor has the right to go on a racist tirade online. . . and you have the right to screenshot that tirade, post it on social media, and say “she should be fired. " Just like people have the right to be horrible jerks, you have the right to respond to that. It’s not that people are “too sensitive. “[6] X Research source It’s more about being nice. After all, there’s a difference between “don’t step on his foot because he’s a sensitive, whiny crybaby” and “watch your step because it hurts him when you step on his foot, and his foot is broken because people keep treading on it, so he could really use a break. "
There are a few ways to assess your own prejudices. What do you think when you hear an ethnic last name? What is your first instinct if you learn someone is gay or transgender? If someone talks or moves slowly, what do you think of them? Being honest about your initial reactions can help you identify your prejudices. In order to challenge these internalized stereotypes, it may be helpful to ask yourself why you feel this way and where your prejudices might come from. Besides acknowledging your prejudices, one excellent tool to identify any negative feelings you might need to work on is the Implicit Association Test (IAT). You can find this psychological test online to determine your prejudices. [7] X Research source
Individuals and groups are discriminated against for many different reasons including race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, culture, and socio-economic status. If you’re unsure of these groups, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has information on groups who experience discrimination. Taking a course at a university or doing some research online can help you learn more about prejudice.
Find coworkers or classmates who are different from you. Ask those people from a different ethnicity, religion, sexuality, or country to go to lunch. If you’re not that close, just start a conversation with them. You can talk about your differences, but you may be surprised how much you have in common. Find culturally diverse events and experiences. Developing your thoughts and understanding that all people are equal through interactive learning will foster a respectful attitude.
Check a search engine to see if any writers have answered your question online. Keep your questions respectful and not too personal. “What pronouns should I use when referring to you?” and “Do you know of any good online resources where I can learn more about transgender issues?” are both reasonable questions. “What do your genitals look like?” is a very private question that should only be asked if you want to have sex with them, or you are a doctor and you need to know for medical reasons.
Avoid racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. jokes because they are always hurtful. If you catch yourself thinking something negative, don’t scold yourself. Instead ask “Why did I think that?” “Do I really agree with that?” “What would better reflect the attitude I want to have?”
Many common expressions have roots in discrimination caused by cultural arrogance and a lack of exposure to cultural diversity. Terms such as “Chinese auction,” “Indian giver,” “Jew down” (negotiate), and “gyp” (a bad deal, from the derogatory term “Gypsy” for the Roma) are racist. Many common words also have implicit discrimination in them and are thus considered harmful. For example, words such as “gypsy” and “oriental” are derogatory. Instead use “Roma” for “gypsy” or “Asian” for “oriental.
Wearing a pretty necklace that you bought from a Native American craft shop isn’t cultural appropriation. That’s supporting an artist. Dressing up like a “Native American” with headdresses and feathers for Halloween is cultural appropriation. Buying a black singer’s album and singing the songs you like isn’t appropriation. That’s enjoying their music. Making a fashion statement by copying black people’s hairstyles, which they often face discrimination for, is appropriation. Making curry for dinner because you like it is not appropriation. It’s enjoying good food. Wearing a bindi because you think it’s cute or trendy, ignoring its cultural context, is appropriation. Celebrating Lunar New Year with your Chinese friend is not appropriation. It’s joining a celebration where you were invited. Dressing up as a geisha or getting a random Chinese character tattooed on your body because it’s “pretty” or “deep” is appropriation. [9] X Research source Buying a weighted blanket and fidget toys is not appropriating autistic culture. In fact, it helps normalize these things and make them more affordable, which is good. [10] X Research source Copying the imagery of the autism rights movement while working against its goals is appropriation. [11] X Research source
Don’t assume that people are straight (or even monogamous). Ask “Do you have any partners?” or “Are you engaged/dating anyone”? rather than “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"[13] X Research source Don’t generalize about genitals. Some women have penises/testicles and some men have clitorises/vaginas. Furthermore, intersex people exist. Respect gender identities. There are more than two genders, and agender, genderfluid, etc. people exist. A person’s real name is the name that they accept as the one that matches their gender. If you’re unsure how to be respectful towards someone’s identity, just ask them. They’ll appreciate your good intentions.
Use gender-neutral job titles when you aren’t referring to a specific person. For example, say “chairperson” or “chair” instead of “chairman”; “firefighter” is preferable to “fireman”; a “police officer” includes all genders; and “flight attendant” replaces “steward” and “stewardess. “[14] X Research source The use of gender-specific titles is usually acceptable when addressing an individual. For example, if you are introducing a male chairperson, then you may say, “Please welcome Mr. Smith, our Chairman of the Board. " Using terms and titles such as “woman’s work” or “secretary” (instead of “administrative assistant”) is demeaning and belittling. Calling women “girls” (instead of “ladies” or “women”) is infantilizing and discounts that the place of women in the world is equal to men.
Recognize that not all victims are female. Use gender-inclusive language when discussing these social issues. Making comments like “they asked for it” when someone is attacked is cruel. Everyone, regardless of clothing or unwise choices, deserves basic safety. Avoid rape jokes, as these can be hurtful to survivors. They can also suggest to would-be rapists that you might take their side if they hurt someone.
Avoid religious statements when talking to non-religious people, or people of an unknown religion. For example, instead of telling a sick atheist you’ll pray for them, say that your thoughts are with them and their family. It’s also a good idea to avoid referencing “God/god. " Every religious group has different names for and rules for saying the term. Jews do not say the name of god, Muslims refer to their god as Allah, and Hindus worship many different gods. [16] X Trustworthy Source Chabad. org Online resource for information related to Chabad-Lubavitch and Jewish culture Go to source Asking questions like “what would Jesus do?” to an individual whose religion you don’t know or group that isn’t entirely Christian is ill-advised. There is an exception to using religious terms: to describe either academic or specific characteristics of a religious group. You may say “Evangelical Christians hold certain beliefs. . . “, or “members of the Jewish faith celebrate Yom Kippur. . . “.
Words such as “dumb,” “crippled,” “derp,” and “psycho” are examples of disability-based insults/slurs. [17] X Research source They imply that disability is demeaning. Treat disabled people like ordinary people, accommodating any needs without resistance, and treating the disability as natural. Offer help if they’re struggling, and don’t push it on them if they say they can handle it. Use person-first language for most disabilities, such as “person with Down Syndrome” rather than “Down Syndrome person. " The Autistic, Blind, and Deaf communities are a few notable exceptions (e. g. “autistic person”). [18] X Research source [19] X Research source When unsure, ask an individual about their preferences.
Other people’s bodies aren’t your business. Don’t comment on their weight or offer unsolicited advice about how to change their bodies. If they don’t ask about it, don’t bring it up. Don’t assume a slimmer person has an eating disorder. Even if they appear unhealthy, telling them to “eat a cheeseburger” won’t help. Watch your language closely. Some people, particularly fat acceptance advocates, self-identify as “fat” and encourage the destigmatization of the word. Other people could be very hurt by that adjective. Also, don’t shame or belittle people based on the size or traits of their private parts.
Formal situations such as the workplace or professional events have the highest standards and largest consequences. Informal and private situations are more relaxed, but sensitivity still matters. You may be talking to someone of an oppressed group, and even if not, private attitudes shape how people respond to minorities. Consider the individual or persons in the group. Even if they are not minorities, their friends, family, and acquaintances may be. Do you want to encourage empathy, or dismissiveness? Compassion, or disrespect?
For example, don’t refer to groups by saying things like: the deaf, the gays, the Jews, or the Blacks. If you are referring to a social group, acknowledge differences. “Many blind people feel that. . . " Use language that makes a person or group feel like they are equal and included in any situation.
If you’re not sure of someone’s preference, you can ask them. For example, “I don’t want to offend you and was wondering if you call yourself Black or African American?” If they are neither, show interest and ask how they’d like to be referred to. If you make your good intentions clear, they will most likely take it well. Don’t use controversial terms if you aren’t a group member. For example, many Roma self-identify as gypsies. Unless you are a member of the Roma community, avoid using “gypsy” and always use Roma. It isn’t your word to reclaim. Skip the trendy terms. Most of these terms are used by members not part of the group. For example, don’t call a person with disabilities “handi-capable” or “differently abled” or a short person “vertically challenged. " Many people find these terms to be weird. This also means taking the words of those directly affected over those of “allies” in psychology or sociology who may stress the use of certain terms.
If you get too upset, it’s okay to step back and say that you need to take a few minutes to think. Take a break. Pause before reacting.
When in doubt, assume that they meant well. Bear in mind the possibility that the person in question may not match your expectations. Some people choose to “pass” as the status quo in order to avoid harassment, and others may not fit neatly into a stereotype or your assumptions of what an oppressed or privileged person would look like or how they would act. Criticize the actions, not the person. “Please stop making fun of Hispanic immigrants. As a person who has Hispanic friends, I feel that those jokes really hurtful and demeaning to them. " Protect their ego while critiquing their actions. “I’m surprised to hear a considerate person like you say something so hurtful about people with Down syndrome. " Try leading and ending with a compliment when you correct someone. Start with a compliment, like how you think the person made a good point or wrote a good article. Then, follow that with your correction or critique. Remember, do it in a nice way, not a rude way. Then finish it up with a compliment, like how you pointed it out because they seem like a thoughtful person. [21] X Research source
Share the spotlight. Let other people be heard too. Pay close attention to opinions different from yours. This is your opportunity to learn something new.
Remember that your words can have an impact. When in doubt, choose the kinder or more polite option.
