One rule to follow when you’re starting off is to say one of every two things you’re thinking. As you work on being more quiet, then you can say one of every three things, or one of every four things.
You’d be surprised by how many of your questions will get answered anyway if you just let people talk.
You don’t have to make it sound like an interrogation or ask questions that make people uncomfortable. Keep things light, friendly, and polite and remember that conversation, in large part, is more about saying that you care about and are interested in the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and point of view and less about sharing your “take on things. ”
When you become a pro at this, you can even just count down from five. Even that short amount of time can help you see whether or not you should keep quiet.
Ask questions that help the person flesh out their ideas, but don’t ask something off-topic which will potentially confuse the person. The more you work on being a good listener, the less compelled you will be to dominate the conversation. A good rule of thumb is to balance your talking and listening time, to make them equal. A balanced conversation is the most healthy.
If complaining about the things you can’t change really makes you feel better, then try writing them down in your journal. There’s really no need to complain out loud, is there? If you have a real problem and need to talk about it, that’s fine. What we’re talking about here is your need to complain just for the sake of conversation.
This technique will calm you down and will make you see that talking isn’t so important.
This will give you time to be your own internal editor and to not let out all of the “extra” stuff that isn’t doing anyone any good.
Reading is also great for helping you be quiet as you process the words in front of you. Try going at least an hour without saying anything while you’re pursuing your hobby. Then go for two hours. Then three hours. Think you can go a whole day without saying a word?
Working out, especially running can help you get some great exercise while getting rid of that extra energy. So can taking long walks or cooking. Find whatever works for you.
Wouldn’t you rather hear what your closest friends have to say in person instead of hearing what perfect strangers have to say to the world? Turn off all of the extra voices that you hear and focus only on the ones that matter.
You’ll be amazed by how much quieter you may be if you write just one journal page each day.
Meditating can keep you from feeling overwhelmed by giving you more control over your mind and body.
Plug some nature time into your weekly routine. You can even bring your journal out to nature and write down your thoughts there.
