You don’t need to speak in long, elaborate sentences to try to impress people. Short, concise sentences with clear words are best. [1] X Research source You also don’t need to use million-dollar words to make your points, either. It’s better if everyone can understand you.
Instead of speaking fast and saying “um” and “like” every two seconds to fill the pauses,[3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source practice talking more slowly and really thinking before you speak so you can avoid using those conversational fillers. [4] X Research source
If you do lose your cool and curse, however, just apologize.
Just a simple “pardon me” before moving on is perfectly fine.
Of course, if everyone around you uses a ton of slang, you don’t want to stand out completely by using proper language, but you should avoid slang as much as possible to sound refined.
If someone else brings up a vulgar topic that you’re not comfortable with, you can also do your best to steer the conversation in a direction that makes you feel more comfortable.
Before you say something, look at the person you’re talking to and think about whether the statement would make the person upset, or, if you’re in a large group, if the statement would be better made privately.
To sound truly refined, you can say something like, “That’s the most exquisite scarf I’ve ever seen” instead of, “Oh my god, what an awesome scarf!”
Don’t loudly interrupt people to try to get your point across, either. Wait your turn if you want to be refined. [9] X Research source
Instead, practice saying nice things about people “behind their backs. ” Say nice things about people who aren’t in the room and it will get back to them.
If you’re asked to settle an argument and know the answer — lets say people are debating about whether a quote is attributed to The Bible or Shakespeare — then it’s best to say you’re not sure of the answer even if you do. There’s no need to cause conflict. If someone is trying to tell you your opinions are worthless, do not engage. Take the high road and exit the conversation instead of being determined to prove the person wrong.
You should praise people on their achievements as often as you can instead of harping on your own. If you’ve really accomplished a lot, then people will hear about it. If they mention it, be modest instead of acting like yeah, you know you’re pretty great.
Though it’s not refined to completely ditch someone in your circle because you think that person makes you look bad, you should think about the company you keep. If you think you spend too much time with people who are vulgar, lack class, and who bring you down, then it’s time to reconsider those relationships.
If you’ve noticed that you’re dominating a conversation, switch gears and ask the people you’re with light questions, from what they’re doing this weekend to what their favorite sports team is.
Be polite. [14] X Research source Always greet people in a friendly fashion, introduce yourself to people you don’t know if they join a conversation, and avoid being unnecessarily rude to people even if you think they deserve it.
Make a point of attending cultural events in your area, whether there are local theatres or museum openings. Read, read, read. Become knowledgeable on everything from ancient philosophy to contemporary poetry. Refined people tend to be very well-read.
Refined people also tend to dress more elegant than most; men often wear suits or business casual wear even if in occasion doesn’t call for it, and refined women tend to wear dresses and heels along with tasteful jewelry. Your clothes don’t have to be expensive for you to look refined. You just have to make sure they fit well, match, and are free of wrinkles. Excessive shiny jewelry or accessories won’t make you look more refined. In fact, just one subtle watch or pair of silver earrings will do the trick and will be far better than looking flashy. Refined people tend to avoid graphic tee shirts or anything else that would make people laugh.
Make a habit of carrying a comb and using it in private when necessary. Women can wear subtle makeup, but they should avoid going over-the-top or they won’t look very refined. Just some subtle lipstick, a bit of mascara, and some light eye shadow will do the trick.
Avoid sitting with your legs spread wide, because this can be seen as a bit vulgar. Avoid scratching yourself in public. If you have an itch you really have to scratch, you’ll be better off scratching it in the bathroom. When you talk to people, stand at a respectable distance away from them. Close-talkers tend not to be refined.
Avoid checking your phone or texting when you’re talking to people and focus on the eye contact instead. Not paying attention to people is not very refined.
It’s also polite to repeat the person’s name if you meet him or her for the first time. You can say something like, “It’s great to finally meet you, Jason. ”
