Tell them face-to-face. The easiest way to show gratitude is to thank them and tell them that you appreciate who they are and what they do. Do something small but meaningful. For example, clean the kitchen after dinner or take the trash out without being asked. Parents will notice and appreciate your acts of kindness. Compliment them on something they do well. For instance, tell your mom how great of a cook she is, or tell your dad how awesome he is at his job.
Ask your parents questions to learn more about them. Understand that your parents are from a different generation and a lot changes with time. Engaging them in conversation will help bridge the gap in order to understand each other better. Keep a journal about your interactions with your parents. By re-reading a journal, you’ll see things with more honesty instead of reinterpreting events in a way that benefits only you. Talk to an unbiased party. Talking to someone who has nothing to gain can help you see things from others’ perspectives, including that of your parents. Learning to see “where they are coming from” helps in building a mutually respectful relationship.
As an example, if you were to visit a doctor, you would want someone who had the experience and training to diagnose and treat your illness. The same is true for parents. Learning to see them as professionals at life will help you to develop a different level of respect for them.
Recognize that when parents seem to be getting in your way, they are, but with good reason. Parents often act as a shield to protect their kids from anything they consider to be harmful. Because parents love you they are concerned about your future success. When parents perceive your behavior as something that threatens to limit your potential achievement, it can often cause conflict in your relationship. Realize that it usually comes from a place of love.
Be clear about expectations. Know what your parents’ rules are so you can avoid any confusion and avoid accidentally breaking rules. Take a second to stop and think about the consequences. Think about what ripple effect your actions may have and how it will impact you and those around you. Ask yourself if it is really worth it.
Say “please,” and “thank you. " Words are powerful and each of those words carries meaning. Aside from being polite, it shows a level of gratitude and appreciation which are both part of respecting your parents. Watch your language. Be careful about the topics of conversations and your word choice around your parents. Parents always think of their children as their babies (regardless of how old they are). They would prefer to see them through a clean and pure lens.
Tap into their interests. Take an interest in what your parents do in their spare time. Whether it’s sports, dancing, music, or gardening, ask them questions and show them that you are taking an interest in them. Make them a priority by choosing to spend time with them over your friends once in a while. They’ll really appreciate the gesture.
Tell your parents you love them at random times and not just when expected or when you want something. Give your parents random hugs or kisses just because. If they ask what the unexpected action was for tell them something like, “just because you’re you. "
Recognize the problem first. If you realize the problem and want to change it, you’ve already taken the biggest step. It takes maturity to understand the differing perspectives and reactions between kids and parents. Apologize to your parents. Admit to your parents that you have disrespected them, and ask them for their assistance as you attempt to change your behavior. Take a mental “time-out. " The next time you are tempted to say something disrespectful, take a second to regroup before speaking from emotion alone. Take into consideration what your parents are saying, and where they are coming from. [7] X Research source
Avoid crossing your arms. This shows that you are defensive and not open to communicating. Watch your tone. Avoid being sarcastic or raising the tone of your voice. This shows that emotions are beginning to take over instead of logic. Try speaking in a calm and controlled manner instead. Make eye contact. This shows that you are genuine in what you are saying and that you are interested in hearing what your parents have to say as well.
Check for unresolved problems before beginning a conversation. If you know you’re holding onto anger or pain, they can be a hindrance to effective communication. Clear up any unresolved issues (one at a time) before attempting to move forward. At the beginning of your conversation, make an agreement with your parents that you will only focus on one issue at a time. If either of you seems to be straying from the topic, politely remind each other to stay on topic.
Write it out. Consider what point you’re trying to get across to your parents, and write out reasons and examples that will support your argument. Talk to them at a later time. Reschedule your discussion for a time when emotions aren’t running high. Instead, choose a time when your parents aren’t busy or stressed to sit down and calmly present your argument. Use “I” statements to get your point across without being defensive. “I” statements consist of the behavior that is bothering you, how it makes you feel, and what needs to change. For example, instead of saying, “you never listen to me” you could replace the statement with “I feel as if I’m not being heard, and I would like my opinion to matter more. "
Trust them with your secrets. Of course, you won’t feel comfortable telling your parents everything, but showing them that you trust them with a small secret will demonstrate your appreciation towards their wisdom. Don’t be afraid to show emotions. It’s okay to show fear, anger, nervousness, joy or any other emotions with your parents. Allowing them into your life is just a small gesture to show them you care.
