If you lack confidence, practice initiating conversations with 100 strangers, whether you find them attractive or not, just to get in the habit of socializing. Don’t confuse having confidence with being arrogant, acting as if you aren’t interested in dating, or playing hot-and-cold with your crush. This goes hand in hand with being gracious about rejection. It’s hard to do, but if someone rejects you, it’s normal to be hurt, but try to understand that it’s probably not personal. While rejection is often firm, sometimes “no” can become a “yes” over time. Don’t count on this to happen, but recognize that a rejection doesn’t have to be forever. Just go with the flow.
People love to be entertained and to laugh, and we really only laugh when we feel safe. The more you can get someone to laugh, the more attracted they will be to you.
Many people like to hear that they are physically attractive, but be sure to compliment the person you’re interested in on their non-physical traits, too. Studies show people are often attracted to people who are…attracted to them! So don’t be afraid to show your crush you’d like to be closer to them. [2] X Research source While pickup artists aplenty push the seductive powers of “negging” (that is, being negative to someone—usually women—in order to get their attention), research indicates most people are turned off by rudeness (surprise, surprise!). [3] X Research source
Better yet, go on an exercise date with your crush or partner: you’ll both be feeling happy and confident by the end of it—plus, the adrenaline that comes from exercise is easily translated to sexual arousal.
In other words, don’t show up on someone’s lawn with a boombox streaming “In Your Eyes” until after you’ve been on a few dates (or ever).
That said, there are benefits to pre-date social media stalking. Social media clues us in on people’s likes and dislikes and, perhaps most important of all for a first date, their potential red flags.
Care about your appearance. That doesn’t mean looking a specific way, but embracing your personal sense of style.
You might wear a shirt with cutouts, a sleeveless or low-cut top, or tight clothing to showcase your body. Show as much or as little skin as is comfortable to you.
From Valentine’s Day to red light districts, the color red evokes both the romantic and the erotic. If red isn’t your color, you don’t have to deck yourself out in it: try incorporating a tie with red accents, red hair clips, red jewelry, or classic red lipstick.
Don’t confuse good hygiene with pressure to present a certain way. For instance, being hygienic doesn’t mean shaving facial or body hair if you don’t want to—it just means ensuring you’re clean, neat, and in control of your body.
Of course, don’t keep your buds around the whole time—you want to have one-on-one time with the person you’re flirting with.
If you want to get someone to approach you, make the subtle first move by initiating eye contact and smiling a bit. This will hint to them that you want them to chat you up. If you’re staring someone down and they don’t respond, either be more direct with them, or take their neutrality as a sign they’re not interested. For that matter, don’t stare anyone down: too intense a gaze can make people uncomfortable. Researchers recommend about 3 seconds of sustained eye contact at a time. [10] X Research source
Some people, especially women, may smile to indicate nervousness. [12] X Research source How do you discern a genuine smile from an inauthentic one? A real smile engages the entire face, while a fake smile will only engage the mouth.
If you’re at a club or somewhere where it’s appropriate to dance and move about, do so. Everyone is attracted to people who seem fun and approachable—and your dance moves might provide insight into how you operate in the bedroom.
Use your environment to your advantage. If you’re in a bookstore, you might wander over to where a cute girl is and ask if she can recommend a book from that genre. Making an excuse to flirt also helps you save face if the person doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. (You weren’t flirting, you were looking for book recs, right?)
Remember Prince Harry biting his lip at Meghan on their wedding day? Carry that energy with you the next time you’re cruising for honeys. [15] X Research source
While it’s important to be kind, that doesn’t rule out playful teasing. Teasing is a great way to build sexual tension as well as indicate to the other person that you feel comfortable and intimate with them. [16] X Research source Teasing isn’t game-playing—remember, most people aren’t receptive to the confusion of mind games. And you certainly don’t want to be mean or negative here; instead, go for playfully contradictory.
Be respectful and receptive to rejection: some people may not like being touched, especially if they do not return your feelings, and may pull away. Don’t take their rejection to heart, but accept their answer.
Many people hesitate to be direct because we don’t want to come on too strong and because directness opens the door to rejection. It’s a risk, for sure, but a worthwhile one! Who knows? Maybe the apple of your eye is waiting for you to take the lead!
You can keep it subtle and limit your dirty talk to sexual innuendo, or kick up the heat and whisper in your crush’s ear exactly what you’re thinking.
Ask your partner what turns them on, what they like to do during sex, and what fantasies they have. Do they like it when you tug their hair? Hug them from behind? It might sound awkward or even forced at first, but once you initiate the conversation, the heat is sure to build. After you find out what your partner likes, you can practice implementing it into your seduction routine to become more sexually attractive to them.
