Don’t base your need to become someone else off of a few isolated events. Challenges and undesirable circumstances happen to all of us every now and then. We all make mistakes and try to learn from them regularly as well. If there is a clear and repeating pattern to your experiences or relationships that provides clues to where you could improve, then use that information to your advantage. Explore where relationships broke down or what you have been criticized for.
If you’re not happy with yourself, figure out why. Are you overweight? Have a nervous disposition? Disorganized? If you are merely bored with the way things are and want a change, reflect on what exactly you are not satisfied with. Is it your relationship? Your job? Your house or car? The weather? Focus on the area that you want to change.
If you need to lose weight to feel healthy and happy then concentrate on that. Start going to the gym, lower your fat and carbohydrate intake and get engaged in a social group for support. If you suffer from anxiety, then seek help from a professional, practice meditation and take opportunities to practice being assertive. If you are tired of people calling you boring, do something adventurous like sky diving, mountain climbing, sailing or learning to fly a plane. If you’re unhappy with your romantic partner, do something new together, find ways to connect and appreciate each other, go to counseling or consider moving on. If you’re sick of your job, get a new one or go back to school to learn new skills so you can get the job of your dreams and earn the house and car that you want. Move away if you are unhappy with where you’re at because it rains too much or gets too cold.
You probably admire someone—a character from a movie or book, a celebrity, sports figure, family member, or a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Do you want to be like your favorite TV character? Or like your girlfriend or boyfriend? Once you narrow down whom it is you want to be like, you can begin to develop character traits for self-improvement based off of their example. Spend more time with them if you are able to, in order to get a true feel of what they are like. Select good personal qualities that will make your life better, not worse. Ending up in jail or driving away the people in your life that matter will not help you feel better. If you do change yourself, make sure you develop personality traits that increase your chances of being well-liked. You might want to be more interesting, sympathetic, or charming, for instance.
Don’t act like a wealthy person when you only have a few dollars in your pocket and can’t afford dinner for two, let alone that vacation to Hawaii. Don’t pretend to know about cars to get a date and happen to end up on the side of the road with a blown out tire you don’t know how to change. Likewise, learn to play an instrument or cook before attempting to impress someone with your know-how.
Read autobiographies, biographies, stories, and articles about or by the person you admire. Also, check out fan and personal websites. Observe them on video and pay attention to the qualities that you want to take on, such as appearance and style, how they interact and communicate, how they behave under pressure and how they appear to others. Are they confident, respectful, friendly, positive, compassionate, or powerful? Try to meet the person who inspires you. If you can chat with the person you want to be at an event, conference, or other location, even better. Try to get to know who they really are, how they got where they are, and whether they might have any advice.
To come up with a goal, first you need to figure out where exactly you are trying to get to and what the end result needs to be. For example, you want to be more self-confident like your favorite female sports player. You want to be able to be great at tennis, basketball, football or compete in the Olympics. [5] X Research source A goal is not just what you want but something you are willing to work toward. You need to ask yourself if you can work toward the end goal. Are you willing to work out, building muscle, practicing every day? This will tell you how badly you want something. [6] X Research source Don’t set yourself up for failure. Even though there are many tools that can help, such as motivating books and support groups, you’re the only one who can change you. There’s no magic pill–it will take work and dedication.
Changing your appearance is usually a lot easier than altering years of learned habits. It can also go a long way toward making you feel different enough to motivate you to change other factors. Changes that come more naturally will be easier. For example, if you have always been polite, then going out of your way to be extra polite will not take that much more effort. If you like to smile and laugh, then remembering to smile as much as possible throughout the day will probably be fairly easy. Embrace the challenge. Some things can be very difficult to overcome. For example, if you’re usually a timid person who keeps to themselves, then waving and saying “Hi” to strangers may be uncomfortable at first. Know that with every challenge you accept and complete successfully, you will be closer to becoming the person you want to be.
If you want to be perceived a certain way, such as wealthy or a professional, dress and look the part. If you want to be seen as laid back and down-to-earth, you may want to dress down. If you normally wear glasses, have long, brown hair and don’t wear makeup, think about how you might update your appearance. Cut your hair into a funky, short style and dye it a bold color like red, purple, blonde, or deep black. Get contacts or pick up chic-styled frames. Pick up some guides on creative ways to do your makeup and practice different looks. Buy new clothes. Think about what the new character you have decided to become would want to wear. Choose flattering options and wear what feels good to you. You probably want your appearance to go along with the positive new attributes you are working on.
Watch how you move. The way a person moves can have a huge impact on how others perceive them. Move with confidence and poise. Put on the outfit and shoes you will be wearing in public. Practice walking in high heels if they are part of your new look. Watch yourself in a mirror to see how you swing your arms and sway your hips. Watch your expressions in the mirror. Practice smiling, laughing, and appearing engaged. See if you can hold a conversation with your new self. You may also want to record yourself and watch it on video to see where you might improve your communication skills and body language. If you habitually twirl your hair, for example, consider whether this is a desirable trait for your new character. If not, make a deliberate attempt not to carry on this habit.
Try on different qualities from people you admire. Go out to the store and be the high-energy, social butterfly that is curious about strangers and cracks jokes. Be the hero who can overcome any obstacle. Go out and train until you win a race. If you’re stuck in a job position that seems to go nowhere, then get a completely new position doing something you enjoy more, or use your past experience to move up to a higher level role for another company. Open your own business or take on a student role for a while so you can become a doctor, lawyer, or something else. Move to another city with more opportunities for your skill sets. If you’ve always been the one who gets stepped on in relationships, be the one who knows what they do or don’t want in the relationship first. Cultivate trust, mutual respect, and demand that you be treated as an equal. Learn to walk away from people and things that don’t benefit you. Make sure you know how to protect yourself so that people don’t walk all over you.
Focus on getting your characteristics down. You want the way you look, act, and the things you do to be second nature and part of your new identity. Practice regularly in multiple situations, roles, and relationships. Eventually, you won’t have to work at it anymore because it will become a part of who you are. Participate in a new activity or hobby regularly, preferably outside of your comfort zone. This will stretch your horizons and allow you to learn to adapt to new situations and experiences more quickly. Know your limitations. Some things cannot be safely altered and should not be, such as body type, height, foot size, finger length, or skin color, among others. Accept what you cannot change and spend your energy working on the things you can.
Resist the urge to be critical of others as well as yourself and start being an objective observer. Find out how others deal with failure, challenges, and try to integrate all these good qualities into your developing personality. Recognize when you do a good job, handle a social situation successfully, or influence people in positive ways. Pin down how you did it, what you did that helped, and maybe what you did that didn’t help.
If you have long black hair and want long blonde hair, know that repeated processing over time will likely damage your hair. You may need to keep it short instead of long to avoid breakage and a scraggly look. Consider using dark hair to your advantage and adding some beautiful highlights that look gorgeous against your deep hair color. If you are 5’ and rather stocky, maybe you shouldn’t expend a lot of energy to become a supermodel or famous basketball player—though there’s always a chance. Try being a face model, kickboxer, or a jockey instead. The trick is to problem-solve and adapt the quality you want to suit any limitations.
When dealing with ridicule, think about how the person you admire would react and respond. Hopefully, you will do the right thing in this situation, too. It’s hard to have fun if you’re always worrying about how you appear to other people. Most social interaction is not defined by rigid rules, and people are not waiting to make fun of you if you do something that isn’t considered normal. Just go along with the flow of the conversation and if you need to pause to think, do so.
