Show confidence by exhibiting good posture–stand up straight, smile, make good eye contact, take more space, don’t fidget, and be open with your stance (that is, don’t cross your arms or your legs). [2] X Research source Remember what makes you great. You do in fact have lots of skills, talents, and points; make a list of these things for your reference and look them over from time to time as a reminder. If you start to feel negative about yourself, give yourself a pep talk. “Hey, man. So what if you don’t have a six pack. You have an A in Math, you have a nice smile, you’re funny, you just got a job as a lifeguard for the summer, you have really good friends and you’re a really good shortstop. You have a lot of things going for you!”
Don’t get caught up in the notion that certain hobbies are for girls or boys only. The idea that certain things are only for one gender or the other is all the result of cultural conditioning, and there’s nothing wrong with a boy learning to knit or skydive or whatever he wants to do. [3] X Research source
Remember that no matter how big or small one’s failures, they’re just an opportunity to improve yourself and everyone makes mistakes. Don’t get hung up on a sense of pride and you’ll be able to enjoy your life a lot more. Remember that so-called mean-hearted jokes made at the expense of others actually aren’t funny and can spread hurtful ideas about other people. There are lots of jokes that you can make that have nothing to do with other people and won’t hurt anyone’s feelings. For example: “What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?” “A shoe. “[5] X Research source
Volunteer to help drive siblings to and from school functions and sports practices. Help your friends and classmates on projects when they’re struggling. Donate your time and energy to visiting people in assisted living homes or walking dogs at your local animal shelter. Participate in fundraising drives like baked sales for charity or canned food drives around the holidays.
If you’re not into something, like a specific kind of music or a sport, don’t lie, even if the girl you’re interested in feels differently. Most people will not take it personally if some of your interests are not mutual, and if she does that might be a sign you’re not very compatible.
For starters, don’t make rude comments about women, label them as “crazy,” claim they belong in the house, or call them derogatory names. Women are really just people. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were a woman and use this as a gauge. Ask the women around you–sisters, mothers, friends, and coworkers–what kinds of behavior they find offensive and be sure to avoid doing these things. If you have problems with disliking women as a whole, you likely have some personal issues that you need to take some time to address. Try to figure out why you feel this way, and seek counseling to work your way through it.
At the very least you need to not engage in this sort of behavior in your date’s presence, but preferably you should not do it at all. You should never, ever cat-call a woman (that is, whistle or make inappropriate sexual comments to women on the street). This is not a compliment but a form of sexual harassment. [9] X Research source
Brainstorm a number of interesting topics that you two can talk about beforehand, like where she grew up, or what kinds of hobbies you two like, your favorite vacation destinations, that sort of thing. Telling a woman what to do, how to do, or why to do something, especially when you are ignoring her own life experiences in favor of a man’s, is often referred to as “mansplaining. " It’s considered unattractive and disrespectful. [11] X Research source
Avoid mentioning words like “saving” and “budget” for the first few dates. Plan your dates wisely. You can pick restaurants that you know have a menu in a price range you can afford by looking them up online first or choosing to eat at lunch time instead of dinner. You can also try making dates that might be cheaper overall, like making a romantic picnic in the park or taking her out to a famous local destination for sightseeing instead of eating.
This includes people serving you, like waitstaff or salespeople. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re getting upset because something didn’t go right (say you waited an hour for your food to come and when it did it was cold), take a few deep and slow breaths before speaking in an even, calm voice. Politely say “I’d like to speak to a manager. " When they arrive, without blaming anyone, explain the exact problem and why you are so upset before asking them to please do what they can to make it right.
Don’t talk a lot about previous relationships that didn’t work out or express deep fears of failure on the first couple of dates. Until you have gotten to know each other better, say after several months of steady dating, this is often considered oversharing. If you have overwhelming or chronic feelings of anxiety or sadness about your work, friendships, or current or past relationships during the time period before you can share but have no one else you can talk to about it, seek counseling from a licensed therapist to help you work through your problems.
Compliments that take note of both her inner and outer qualities, like “That dress looks great on you, it really brings out the color of your eyes,” are especially good. This compliments not just her physical features but also her choice of dress (and therefore her decision making abilities). Women want to be valued for their minds as well their physical bodies. Avoid comments that are sexual in nature until you are in a much more established relationship: you should wait until after the second or third date at least. Many women will not be comfortable receiving overt sexual attention too early on, and it’s better to air on the side of caution than risk offending her.
Gifts do not have to be expensive: although many girls do like candy and flowers, something that you have taken the time to make yourself, like a piece of art, a poem, a song, or something you’ve handcrafted like candles, will also make her happy. It’s not the price tag on the gift but the thought that went into it that should matter.
There is no hard and fast rule as to how much communication is too much or too little, especially since each person’s or couple’s life circumstances may make this vary greatly. If one of you owns your own business or is busy 12 hours of the day working, then you may not be able to talk as much. Talk with her to find out how much you both agree is the right amount: as long as you two are happy, whether you talk or see each other every day or only once a week is fine. [15] X Research source
Keep eye contact and face her when she’s speaking. Stay relaxed but pay attention and refocus on the conversation if your attention starts to wander. Keep an open mind and don’t be too quick to pass judgments. Don’t interrupt her, particularly not to give solutions. Wait until you’re sure she’s finished before you begin to speak. Cues in her speech pattern (a long, uninterrupted pause after a completed thought) and tone of voice (the ending high tilt for a question or a low tilt for a statement) will let you know when you can speak. Ask questions when she pauses to clarify anything you don’t understand, and only give advice if it seems like she wants it. Try to understand her feelings and be empathic by giving good feedback, like “That really sucks,” or “I’m so happy for you,” depending on what you’re being told. Basically, try to be supportive, even if you don’t have any advice to give. Pay attention to any nonverbal cues, particularly those being given through body language and facial expressions, which will help you understand how she is feeling.
If you want her to realize that you want to be supportive, or that you still want her to feel comfortable coming to you in the future, try saying something like “Okay, I understand and respect your feelings. But if you ever change your mind, just let me know. I’m here for you. "
Don’t assume that you know what she likes based on her looks or other women you know; every person is different. Ask her what kinds of things she enjoys, and pay attention when you have conversations or are hanging out. Likely she will mention things in conversations that she does, like yoga or watching horror movies.
