Find the time to learn upon what you value and take time to consider what makes up the essence of who you are. As part of this, contemplate your life and choices. Try to think about what kinds of things you would or wouldn’t like to do, and act accordingly; finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them so that you do not let such tests define you. [1] X Research source Instead, ensure that the defining you do is based on your own terms and is something you feel absolutely comfortable with. You may feel self-conscious, but over time if you are around the right type of people for you, they will accept you for who you are.
Just because your values seem to conflict doesn’t mean you necessarily have to abandon them. Consider it all a part of a dynamic you. You cannot be shoved into any box or pegged. You have values for all different aspects of your life, so it’s natural they be different.
Allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you’re not so proud of. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you’ve made; they’re done and in the past. You had your reasons for them and the decision made sense at the time, so instead of harnessing yourself to past mistakes, allow yourself to learn their lessons and continue to grow. [3] X Research source Look for people around you who proudly proclaim they are no different than they were the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36, or whatever. Do these people seem flexible, easygoing, happy people? Often they are not because they are so busy insisting that nothing has changed for them ever, that they’re incapable of taking on new ideas, learning from others, or growing. Growth into every new age and stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.
Comparison leads to resentment. A person filled with resentment cannot focus on the mantra of “be yourself” because they are too busy hankering after someone else![5] X Research source Comparison leads also to criticism of others. A life filled with criticizing others stems from low self-esteem and a need to pull others off their perches that you’ve placed them on. That’s both a way to lose friends and respect, and it’s also a way of never being yourself because you’re envy-struck and spending too much time on admiring others for their characteristics and not on yourself. [6] X Research source
Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you’re not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. It’s also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously! If people make mean or insensitive judgments, don’t take it personally. That’s their loss, not yours.
Try the tactic of owning up to your imperfections mid-argument with someone. You will often discover that suddenly you’ve removed the very reason for stubbornly holding the line of argument, which is often about preserving face and not giving in. The moment you say, “Yeah, look, I get really irritable when the room’s in a mess too. And I acknowledge that I shouldn’t leave my clothes in a pile on the floor and yet I do it because that’s a lazy part of myself I’m still trying to train out of the habit. I’m sorry. I know I could do better, and I will try,” you suddenly infuse an argument with genuine self-honesty that disarms the entire point of the argument.
You can always see the appearances others wish to portray publicly but you won’t ever see what’s really going on behind their facades in their apparently perfect world. By comparing yourself to others, you give their image-portrayal way too much power and reduce your own worth based on a mirage. It’s a useless activity that only brings harm. [10] X Research source Instead, value the person you are, love your personality, and embrace your flaws; we all have them, and as explained earlier, being honest is better than running from them.
If you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go on forever in a vicious cycle trying to please people instead of focusing on building up your talents and strengths.
If you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go on forever in a vicious cycle trying to please people instead of focusing on building up your talents and strengths.
Does this mean no one’s opinion in life matters? No. It hurts if you’re socially rejected. If you’re forced into a situation where you must spend most or all of your time among people who can’t stand you for reasons of their own, it’s dangerous to internalize their negative ideas of who you are. What you can do is exercise some choice in whose opinions you value more than others. It’s much healthier to pay attention to people who genuinely mean you well and who agree with you about what you want to do with your life.
Compare those who love you to whoever the bully is; suddenly you can realize that their opinion of you, your family or your lifestyle, is worthless. We inherently care about the opinions of those we respect and look up to. This works both ways; if someone has no respect for you, then what they say about you is just empty words coming from someone who is one step above being a total stranger.
These people care about you and are interested in how you grow as a person, and are respectful. Learn how to spot the difference and you will live well, dismissing pointless negative critiques, and learning from the constructive critique.
Be responsible for yourself and for boosting your self-esteem. If others aren’t telling you you’re great, don’t let it get to you. Instead, tell yourself you’re special, wonderful, and worthwhile. When you believe these things about yourself, others will recognize that glow of self-confidence and begin confirming your self-affirmations in no time!
Learn to communicate well – the better you can express yourself, the easier it is for the people who like you as you are to find you and the ones who don’t to just steer clear.
Be realistic in your comparisons and only look to other people as inspiration and as sources of motivation, not as a means to belittling yourself.
Whatever you are, accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you. Don’t let people change you!
Sometimes it will hurt when you’re teased. While this can be very difficult, and far easier said than done, try your best to flick it off your shoulder. In the end, you’ll be a bigger and better person, know who you are, and better able to survive whatever obstacles arise in your future.
