If you think about your words before you speak, it will benefit your relationships and your work/school life. [1] X Research source
To stay open and approachable, keep your head up, looking around, surveying your surroundings. Keep a casual, comfortable stance like you would if you were sitting in an empty waiting room. Take a moment to see things you wouldn’t otherwise notice if you were busy chitchatting with whoever is next to you.
This can actually give you a lot of power and turn you into a quiet, effective leader. When you’re the one that’s calm, cool, and collected and the one speaking tersely and effectively, people will be drawn to follow your lead.
You can also build trust by taking a non-judgmental stance in your conversations. Build rapport by opening up and mentioning some of your own vulnerabilities so they feel more comfortable doing the same.
If you talk too often, you water down what you have to say, making it less important. Thoughtfully choosing your words makes them have impact.
This will help you become a better listener. You’ll actively be focusing on the other person and how to keep the conversation central to them. You’ll likely be surprised how much you end up learning, too. Try not to be too quiet when you’re meeting a new person. The person may assume that you are strange or that you are not worth talking to. Instead, find a balance between listening to the other people around you and asking considerate questions. Don’t speak unnecessarily. Think before you speak. Pause when you’re agitated or excited. Be mindful of interrupting another person.
It’s not that talkative people don’t or can’t do this, it’s just much easier when you can focus on watching the other person rather than on talking.
Take a second to consider how much you’ve spoken in this conversation and how much the other person has. If it’s been a while since you’ve really chimed in with something, go ahead. No conversation is fulfilling if the other person is practically mute. But the door swings both ways — if you’ve been talking for a while, let the other person grab the reins. Just make sure each person gets to finish their thought before you switch gears.
Let’s say an acquaintance of yours went skydiving. Instead of saying, “Oh, I went skydiving once; it was awesome!” you say, “That’s great! How was it? Was it your first time?” If they’re truly invested in the conversation, they’ll probably ask you if you’ve ever done it, too.
Of course, do this carefully. It’s easy to offend people even if you don’t say anything. An eye roll to a particularly sensitive friend could launch them into a tizzy if you’re not careful. Know your audience and know when these moments are appropriate.
If you’re not the meditating type, other activities can substitute for this feeling. Take a walk in your favorite local park, or just sit on a bench and read. Grab a journal and spend some time writing down your thoughts. Anything that’s a bit of “me-time” will do the trick. Do people playfully tease you and tell you to take a hike? Perhaps you should tease them back and actually do it. Live in the moment by practicing such techniques as mindfulness and Zen driving. Contemplating the mysteries of science (the universe, quantum theory) can also be an intensely introspective experience.
A good time to begin such a “vow of silence” is after a procedure that causes pain in the mouth or head, such as braces adjustments, root canals, or even a minor bonk on the head. Don’t hurt yourself, of course, but do look for inspiration to become a quiet person.
