For example, if you’re physically fit, you can help a friend pack up and move without having to take multiple extensive breaks to recover. Physical wellness extends to substance use as well. A true alpha doesn’t go out binge drinking every weekend and come into work late on Monday morning nursing a hangover. If you take care of yourself, others will be more likely to believe you’re capable of taking care of others—and taking care of others is one of the main things a real leader does.
If they say “no” or otherwise indicate that they’re not interested, a true alpha knows to leave them alone rather than push. You know that rejection is a part of life and you take it in stride. If they say “yes,” on the other hand, you’ve set the stage for a potentially healthy and respectful relationship to develop.
Choose 2 or 3 values that you’re going to hold as the most important. With every action you take and every decision you make, ask yourself first if it advances your core values. For example, if you choose “honesty” as one of your core values, you would strive to always behave honestly. You would avoid cutting corners and acting dishonestly, even if it made things harder for you in the short run. Always stand up and defend your core values. For example, if one of your core values is “equality,” you might speak out when someone makes a sexist or misogynist remark.
For example, suppose your work team has just found out about a shipment delay. Some might panic, but an alpha would see an opportunity to transition to something else until the shipment arrived. Being optimistic also means encouraging others to find a way over the various hurdles and stumbling blocks that appear in their paths.
If you unapologetically own the space where you’re sitting or standing, you give off the impression that you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin—even if you’re not. If you’re working to become an alpha, this is one area where you can “fake it till you make it. " If you walk, sit, stand, and speak with confidence, that’s what people will see.
Encourage others to improve and succeed and celebrate their victories with them. They’ll appreciate your support. The key here is to be respectful even if you don’t stand to gain anything from the interaction. Too many people are only nice when they want something, or believe a person can help them in some way—those people aren’t alphas.
As you listen, validate the person’s feelings so they feel heard and believe they were right to speak to you.
If you open your eyes and ears, you’ll quickly notice things you can do to help. A true alpha doesn’t wait for someone else to start something, they start it themselves! For example, if the local park is always trashy, you might start trash pickup days once a week. At first, you might be the only one—but once people notice your commitment and consistency, they’ll show up.
Specific: run in and complete a 5k race Measurable: you’ll sign up for a local 5k and participate in it; you can also use fitness apps to measure and monitor your progress toward your goal Achievable: you’ll do a “couch to 5k” program to help get in shape before the race Relevant: running a 5k gives you a goal and helps improve your overall fitness, especially your cardiovascular fitness Time-bound: sign up for a local 5k in a couple of months
This also means facing your own fears. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, you might sign up to present projects in front of smaller groups so that you become more comfortable speaking in front of others. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you never do things that are relaxing or enjoyable. It just means that you know when to push yourself.
For example, you might be tempted to splurge on a new shirt, but you’re able to resist because you know that you’ll get much more satisfaction out of sticking to your budget. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you have a problem controlling substance use or other compulsions on your own. A true alpha recognizes when they need help to get where they want to be in life.
Try journaling if you find that you have a hard time expressing your emotions. It can do wonders to help you better understand how experiences make you feel. Don’t fall prey to the toxic, outdated idea that to be an alpha you have to be “emotionless. " A true alpha is in touch with their emotions and listens to them. If you ever feel like you’re struggling mentally or emotionally, don’t hesitate to get professional help. A true alpha knows when they need help from others to accomplish their goals.
An alpha also isn’t worried about what others think about them. Being an alpha isn’t about other people thinking you’re an alpha—it’s about what you think about yourself. If you believe in yourself and are confident in your abilities, other people will believe in you too.
For example, one of your partner’s boundaries might be “no yelling. " If your emotions get too heated and you raise your voice, stop. Immediately apologize and take a few minutes to calm down.
